The Walking Dead gives us girl power and rollerskates. Yes, rollerskates.
We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.
“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap
Mayor Shithead of the Hilltop (Gregory) wants to kick Sasha and Maggie out of town, even though Maggie is pregnant (no miscarriage, yay) and needs to be near the doctor. Fortunately, Jesus is team Saggie, and after kicking some invading zombie ass and a stern talking-to/face-punch with Gregory, they are welcome to stay. Meanwhile, Enid and Carl go to the Hilltop on various modes of transport (bicycle, car, foot, fuckin’ ROLLERSKATES). They part ways, with Carl going off to kill Negan (good luck, twerp) and Enid finding Maggie at Hilltop. Jesus hops in the back of the Saviors’ supply truck and hey, there’s Carl! Next week: Tara is back, and stuff is happening, whatever, more Negan.
The title of this episode, “Go Getters,” reminds me of the hero trio Go Getters on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (Daisy, Minnie, and Clarabelle). I found myself singing “Go, go, go getters, go go go!” over and over while watching. Clearly, I need to watch less TV with my toddler. Coincidentally, the MMC Go Getters are all-female, while TWD Go Getters are two women and a beautiful, long-haired Jesus.
It’s probably been a while since Enid has ridden a bicycle, but she is truly terrible at it. Turns out you can forget how to do it!
For all Gregory’s badass talk to the womenfolk about “being in charge,” he sure is willing to kneel down before Negan’s men. Not even Negan! Negan’s MEN! Guess all Sasha needed was a Y-chromosome to get a little respect around here.
Lest we think Richonne is suffering from last episode’s castration, she gives him a steamy goodbye kiss. Rick’s dorky response: “thank you.” Oh, Rick, never change.
You know Maggie, being a farm girl, knows her way around a tractor. But there was something about seeing that John Deere crushing that shitty car that felt like a pretty bad-ass commercial.
After all Carl has seen, he still thinks he can just stroll into the Savior’s compound and kill Negan? Puberty is a hell of a drug.
The Hilltop’s gates are left open and walkers are pouring in, and the useless men in this town don’t respond until Maggie yells at them to do something.
Dumbass Carl thinks the most efficient way to kill a single walker is to run it over twice with a car while crashing into immovable metal structures. There are only so many working cars around here, Haircut. Use a knife.
Carl finds fuckin’ ROLLERSKATES in the woods? And he and Enid roll down the street holding hands like they’re at a goddamn tween birthday party circa 1989? No. And as a huge skating enthusiast from way back, there is no way you could rollerskate down the middle of a rural highway and not trip every two seconds over tiny pebbles, branches, and leaves.