Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead’s “Service”

Photo: AMC
Photo: AMC

The Walking Dead grabs Alexandria (and Rick) by the P-word.

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

Negan shows up to take a bunch of crap from Alexandria. Negan confiscates all the guns, except for two, which are outside town. Michonne has the .22 rifle, and Rosita has the Glock 9mm. Negan plans to kill Inventory Olivia unless the guns are handed over. Fortunately, Rick comes up with a hidden handgun at Spencer’s house, and gets the rifle back from Michonne, so nobody has to die today! Huzzah! At the end of the episode, Michonne comes across…something…smoking? Did a plane crash or something? I have no idea WTF that thing is. Rosita wants Eugene to make her bullets. This episode was surprisingly boring, since it was needlessly stretched out to 90 minutes. Next week: Hilltop, Maggie is still alive, Jesus is there, blah blah.

Mildly Improbable

Jesus, how high is Judith’s crib setting? When she’s standing up, the damn rail is below her hips. Surprised she hasn’t fallen out of it yet.

Negan uncomfortably leering at Rosita until she walks away, then grinning like he is such a lady-killer? Insert obligatory Donald Trump comparison here. (Also, Negan thinks he has a shot at Maggie, which…naaaaaah. They tell him Maggie’s dead, at any rate.)

Negan to Father Gabriel: “Ho-Lee CRAP! You are creepy as shit!” If only you knew.

Pretty Improbable

Michonne is a terrible shot, unlike everyone else who has ever been on this show who is essentially Annie friggin’ Oakley.

Negan’s priority for looting Alexandria? Sensible furniture and accent chairs. You wouldn’t think a guy who says “shit” so much would be really into ottomans.

Rick should have just said the 2 “missing guns” were at Glenn’s house. Or Abraham’s. Easy to blame dead dudes for it, and there’d be no further murders.

Extremely Improbable

Negan’s group has a lot of black guys. Seems impossible, because Rick’s group has a Two Black Men Maximum. Insert obligatory Donald Trump comparison here.

Christie Brinkley (I mean Carl…his hair, you guys. I can’t even.) is threatening Negan and his men with a gun. Excuse YOU, bitch, but do what your father tells you to and STFU. Plus this leads to Negan taking all their guns, so yeah, great job, Carl. I haven’t seen this useless of a floppy-haired boy since the height of One Direction’s popularity.

YEAH, RIGHT

The lack of continuity with Lucille is distracting. One second she’s sparkling clean, the next second she’s drenched in blood, then back to clean again. Also, I’m not sure how Lucille would EVER get sparkling clean, anyway, since it’s a wooden bat (stains easily) with barbed wire (lots of crannies and nooks for brain bits to invade).

The truth comes out: Rick, you are NOT the father (of Judith)! Although you could be the father. If only Maury Povich had survived the apocalypse.

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About Clare Snyder 140 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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  • Clare Snyder

    According to The Internet, the mystery burning thing was a pile of Alexandria mattresses. That was not clear to me at all, you guys.