Fit to Fat to Fit: Alex and Geoff

Photo: A&E
Photo: A&E

A&E’s Fit to Fat to Fit continues to appall. Let’s see what crop of weirdos we have this week!

A&E’s Fit to Fat to Fit continues to appall. Let’s see what crop of weirdos we have this week!

Alex and Geoff

Meet Alex! He has been a personal trainer and dietician for 17 years. I for one would like to see some credentials for the latter. He looks like what would happen if John Leguizamo became a wax-figure lesbian. Alex is the sort of tool who jogs bouncily while wearing compression socks, which, if you know anything about the fitness industry, tells you all you need to know about Alex. He describes himself as “the best trainer in LA” while doing several exercises with extremely questionable form. UGH, Alex is the WORST ALREADY, you guys. “I want to show the world that getting fit is easy, and staying lean and ripped…” he trails off. So you are saying your body is easy to attain? Then I guess I don’t need to hire you! Hallelujah, obesity is cured!

Meet Geoff! He is 28 (I’d like to see a birth certificate) and lives in LA. He played basketball in high school, but a sedentary lifestyle has overtaken him. He describes himself as a “foodie,” and I don’t know if he understands that foodies don’t eat giant sandwiches and donuts. Foodies eat, like, quinoa tabbouleh with a kale emulsion. He wants to be sexy for his future wife, who is really attractive. Like, suspiciously attractive. Not sure what I’m suspicious of, but I am definitely suspicious.

The Consultation

Alex describes being obese as “selfish and irresponsible.” How? What? Geoff’s biggest fear about the trainer is that “he’s gonna be an asshole.” Ding ding ding! They meet and Alex says he’s going to gain 60 pounds. “I’m going to destroy my body,” Alex exaggerates. Alex doesn’t think very much of Geoff, and is extremely condescending about whether Geoff does or does not “get it.” You should talk, bro, since it looks like the only thing you get is adult acne.

Fit to Fat

Alex starts out by eating at a BBQ restaurant. Now that is a great weight-gain food! Lots of sauce and sodium and fat. He is eating about 10,000 calories a day. Yes, that is smart. Much better than when Steve thought 4,000 was adequate. Alex has been going out more and it’s bringing him closer to his girlfriend, who likes a thicker bod. “Some women like this look! All my friends like me better this way!” Alex is astonished. Yeah, you’re probably not an insufferable asshole about what your friends eat, now, because I’m sure you were before. Alex doesn’t know if he wants to go back to being obsessed with his body. Will we see our first-ever permanent victim of this process?

By week 12, Alex desperately wants to work out. He’s had chest pains and has no energy. His moods are erratic, and he is fighting with his girlfriend a lot because he is oversensitive. By week 14 he has dumped her. Holy shit. He claims she wasn’t supporting him. How was she supposed to support you? Was she supposed to hand-feed you mini-muffins? This dude seems really needy. By the end of the experiment he has gone from 165 to 218 pounds. He is pumped to start working out again.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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