Fit to Fat to Fit features frosted tips and, probably, Frosted Flakes. Sadly, the wrong one is banished.
Last week I introduced you to A&E’s new series, Fit to Fat to Fit, about personal trainers gaining weight so they can lose it along with their obese clients. I am pleased to report that other trainers I know are just as appalled by this show as we are. Yes, I say “we,” fully expecting my readers to be aghast as well. Let’s see what’s in store for this week!
Steve and Tasha
Meet Steve! He is 44 years old and has been a trainer for 23 years. He says things like “I really enjoy the burn” without a trace of irony. He has repulsive veins in his arms from all the steroid use shred sessions he does at the gym. Also, he has elevated “frosting his tips” to the level of art. He has a fit wife (obviously) and is worried that she will not want to “pump his iron” if he is fat, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Steve insists that nobody is overweight by accident. Apparently he has not heard of medications that cause weight gain. “There is nobody on the planet that won’t lose weight if they eat less,” Steve says with the confidence of a gross, frosted-tipped man with veins the size of the Blue Ridge Mountains. He claims to be looking forward to gaining empathy. At least he is self-aware enough to recognize that he has none.
Meet Tasha! She is a mom of two teens and wants to be around for their future. She also feels bad for her husband, having a fat wife. To his credit, her husband loves her just as she is.
Steve goes through her cupboards and disses everything. “Is there anything in here that’s NOT a carb?” he sneers. Shit, he’s one of THOSE guys. He says he is going to gain 45 pounds because she’s “worthy” for him to destroy his body. Seriously, the more they try to explain this show, the less fucking sense it makes. Also, 45 pounds? That’s it? JJ gained 61 last episode and looked totally normal.
Fit to Fat
Steve is 185 pounds, so he needs to get up to 230. His first giant meal is horrifying, but not as horrifying as the vest he is wearing over a plain white t-shirt. He practically pukes because he eats way too much at once. These guys are such damn amateurs. You need to eat like 8 meals a day and spread it out.
Once he gets a bit farther along, Steve actually says he is enjoying this. He likes the freedom of being able to eat whatever he wants. See, dude? Do you get how this food becomes addictive? He extols the virtues of fast food and how cheap and convenient it is. YES, EXACTLY. He is having trouble gaining weight, which he thinks is because he is losing muscle while gaining fat. Actually, it’s because your muscle is burning all your calories, because you are only eating about 4000 a day, you stupid ass. He is so frustrated that, no matter what he does, he cannot gain weight. You’d think he would say something like “I guess calories in/calories out is bullshit, huh,” but he lacks the awareness for these realizations. Steve is suffering from laziness and depression. Bonnie is forced to wash their Corvette all by herself, like some sort of goddamn loser.
It’s week 16 and Steve’s final weight is 230. He did it. Yaaaay. The fugly vein in his arm is less prominent now, and he has a gut. Besides that he looks pretty normal. Tasha shows up at the gym and feels his man-boobs, like anyone would. Tasha rightly says he looks like a normal middle-aged man. With frosted tips. Tasha weighs in at 212 pounds, with a goal of 150 in four months.