The Spirit of Christmas…because nothing says “happy holidays” like implied necrophilia!
Our last Ho-Ho-Horrible Holiday Movie (dry your tears, my friends, there’s always next year!) is Lifetime’s The Spirit of Christmas, which I read was about a woman who falls in love with a dead guy. This sounds suspiciously like a genders-reversed version of Just Like Heaven, starring Reese Witherspoon. I didn’t make it all the way through that movie, so let’s see if I can make it through this one!
The opening credits appear, accompanied by “Carol of the Bells.” Fun fact: I know all the lyrics to “Carol of the Bells.” Okay, so that fact wasn’t so much “fun” as “accurate.” Also, maybe you didn’t know there were lyrics. Let nobody say the internet cannot teach you things. Anyhoo, Kate is out to dinner with Laird, and he acts like he’s about to propose, but he dumps her. Holy shit, is this movie just a massive conglomerate of Reese Witherspoon’s filmography? Fortunately, Kate is thrilled about this development.
Kate’s boss enters her office (I guess she is a lawyer) to tell her some rich old lady died, and bitches a few times about how this is disrupting his “Bahamas vacation.” Why couldn’t that ho have picked a better day to die? So rude. The old lady left her only asset, a huge inn, to her trust and they want to sell it ASAP. Naturally, Kate is up for a big promotion if she can pull this off. There’s a catch: the inn is haunted!!1!!ONE!! Good thing Kate ain’t ‘fraida no ghosts!
Kate visits the inn as the appraiser is running away, terrified. She finds the manager and learns in an off-hand way that one ghost, Daniel, is crazy sexy hot. This is important information. The manager says he needs to take off by December 13 because of “tradition,” which obviously means the ghosts get all ghost-y up in the hizzy fo’ shizzy. Kate decides to stay overnight by herself. At midnight she is disrupted by a chiming clock in her room, like, who has a clock like that in a bedroom? When she goes to investigate an intruder, she knocks herself out with a falling vase. Typical.
She wakes up many hours later (uh, might wanna get a concussion test at the hospital, lady) to Hot Ghost Daniel playing the piano. Maybe she is concussed, because she doesn’t recognize him, even after he tells her that she is the intruder. He locks her outside and she calls an incompetent cop to investigate. The incompetent cop searches the huge house for three seconds and decides the guy is long gone, and leaves, telling her to set the alarm next time. She did, incompetent cop. All this bad police work is enough to make Kate feel safe, until Daniel shows up in her bedroom, tells her he has all the keys because it’s his inn, and asks her to leave again. Kate still does not get it.
Good news: the manager is back to set her straight! Apparently Daniel is not a ghost, for the moment. He will be a ghost again on December 24th because of a curse. “How does that even work?” Kate asks. Valid question, so of course nobody will answer it. By way of explanation, Daniel takes Kate outside, and as soon as he crosses an invisible threshold he disappears. Oh, that explains everything. *cough* So apparently Daniel can come back every year, for the last 95 years, from December 13-24. Kate decides to research this so she can break the curse. Good idea. First start: use your iPhone to Google “ghost curse Christmas.”
It seems Kate is using her lawyer skills to cross-examine Daniel to find out what’s the deal with the curse. He was a bootlegger during Prohibition. We get a flashback of him meeting a chick named Lily 95 years ago. This side plot is boring as hell. Back in present day, Kate sees more typical ghostly stuff happening, like murmurs and doors opening by themselves. She should ask Daniel what’s up! I’m sure all the ghosts know each other, and stuff.
Some lady named Molly owns a pub in town that has burst pipes. She wants to take over operation of the inn’s tavern in the meantime. Sure, why not. Except they have to pretend Daniel is a non-ghost named DJ. Wacky capers are coming your way. Later on, Kate is getting hammered at the tavern with “DJ” bartending, and her boss is (on the phone) up her ass about how long this property appraisal is taking. No kidding. Molly tells Kate about some of the scandal in the house. Daniel was engaged to Lily, but then he died, and she married his brother Charles a month later, only to have a baby “a bit too soon” that everyone thought was Daniel’s, but the baby died, and Lily died. There is a whole lotta dyin’ going on. Daniel storms off upset, and tone-deaf Kate asks him what’s wrong. Um, he just found out he probably had a baby, and that said baby died after birth and so did his fiancée. Kate reacts in a typical stereotypical-lawyer fashion and says “at least I’m not some jerk who gets himself killed and leaves a pregnant fiancée behind!” WOW.