5 Awesome Things from Nashville: Wade Cole Shocker!

Nashville (Screen: ABC)

Wade Cole has a big secret. Hint – it isn’t hiding in his hair.

Markus Keen’s new album is about to drop and Rayna’s arranged a release concert in downtown Nashville. At the last minute, Mr. “I’m not a real country artist” gets insecure and she has to beg him to perform. He does, the crowd of thousands loves him and pretty soon his album has a quarter million downloads on iTunes. Hooray for Highway 65! Then Markus tries to make out with Rayna’s face after the show, she spurns him, and he suddenly decides to cancel his tour and get back together with his former band, Boulevard. RIP Highway 65!

Gunnar and Scarlett’s tour comes to an end and they return to Nashville. He says “so long for now” to Erin1 while Scarlett slowly meanders her way home to Dr. Caleb. Mr. Fancy Cancer Doctor apologizes again for being a dick the last time they got together, then announces that he’s been offered his dream job/promotion… in Seattle. But she doesn’t have to bust up the Exes. He’ll just turn down the job and stay in Tennessee for her career. No way he’ll ever lord this over her during their next fight.

Deacon gets ready for his big opening night at The Beverly. Maddie is at least trying to cooperate with sister/bandmate Daphne, but wants their music to sound more adult; alas, Daphne is 12, so this seems doomed.2 Now that Colt’s gone, all Luke has is his douchey lifestyle label launch to fill his sad life.3 Then some IRS guys reveal that Luke’s accountant has been embezzling and he owes $40 million in back taxes.

Will is pleasantly surprised to enjoy working with country star/public homophobe Wade Cole. Avery learns Emily has been visiting Juliette in rehab and becomes so enraged by this “betrayal” that he fires Emily a.k.a. the most loyal, kindly, patient assistant/emergency nanny EVER. Gunnar and Will are not amused. Neither am I, but more about that in these five awesome things from last week’s Nashville

Gabby gets a burn Knowing that talk of back taxes or bankruptcy will tank Luke’s brand, manager/girlfriend Gabriella gets to work on liquidating his assets and quietly arranging a payment schedule with the IRS. All seems well regarding the future of the brand, but then the story leaks anyway (one of the photographers from Luke and Colt’s disastrous Forbes magazine got to digging). RIP Luke Wheeler brand dad jeans! When Gabriella announces that corporate partners are dropping like flies, Luke blames her for all the sacrifices he made. Granted I’m no Gabby fan, but this is some BULLSHIT. As she explains, putting the brand first was her job. She adds, “Your tax problems started long before we met so if anybody has the right to be angry here, it’s me. I’m the one who bet on the wrong horse.” Comparing Luke to loser horse is probably the most effective way to pummel his ego, so well done, Gabriella.4

Emily Appreciation Day Gunnar and Will are so, SO pissed when they find out Avery canned Emily. Avery’s all like, “Juliette’s manipulating Emily, which means she can’t be trusted with baby Cadence, blah blah whine whine.” Will says, “Emily is a way better influence on Cadence than any of us, including you.” Ooh, harsh but true. Single dad Avery is a non-stop crabby patty and Emily is a non-stop sunbeam. After all she’s done for you, Avery? Like a sister!5 He remains stubborn, even after meeting Juliette’s doctor (who insists the only way Jules will recover from postpartum depression is by seeing Cadence).6 Finally, Emily comes back and yells at Avery’s dumb, whiny face, which convinces him to allow supervised Juliette/Cadence playdates… which Emily will attend in his place… because she is the BEST.

Willy gets a burn Will is surprised when Wade invites him to his house for their songwriting session. Anti-gay crusader Mrs. Cole is out of town, so that helps. Also, Wade tries to grab Will’s penis, which is how we finally learn that Mr. Cole is a closet case – and a very proud one, at that. “I got more money than I could ever spend. I got a great family. And you could’ve had it all, too, if you’d just figured out how to play it right,” he boasts. Will responds, “Turns out, I’d rather be me than you.” Take that, ya’ broke ass Billy Bob Thornton! And nice to meet you, self-respecting Will. We’ve been waiting for you.

Speaking of not-so-sad so longs… At the Beverly opening, Scarlett approaches Gunnar about the possibility of maintaining a long distance musical partnership. He’s not excited about the possibility, but willing to make it work. All this just makes Blondie realize that she has no intention of ever sacrificing her career for Caleb (as he would for her), so she breaks up with him. His response is typically petulant – he shoulda known it would never work because, “I’m not one of you. I’m too normal.” Actually, it’s that you’re too boring, but whatevs. Bye, Caleb!

Deacon manages his infinite feels well enough to do something smart Rayna offhandedly mentions to Deacon that Markus tried to kiss her, then immediately learns her star artist is going rogue. She spends the whole day trying to convince Markus to stay with Highway 65 (to no avail) and misses Deacon’s performance at The Beverly. She arrives late, full of apologies but Deacon is super pissed because she “chose” Markus over him. No no NO, you moron, she momentarily chose her career over you because her business is tanking! Thankfully, our badass Queen suffers none of this nonsense and leaves. It doesn’t take long for Deacon to realize he was completely wrong. He catches up with Rayna later, apologizes, and then proposes marriage. She says yes, because what else can you do with this guy? She’s stuck being in love with him forever, so they may as well make it official.

  1. Is she gone for good? Dammit, I liked her.  
  2. Especially once Maddie befriends cool, older rocker chick, Cash, who seems at least a better role model than Juliette.  
  3. Because daughter Sage doesn’t exist anymore?  
  4. Bonus – Luke tries to make up with Colt after the brand falls apart and Gabriella leaves, but the kid still rejects him. This is what you get for having no soul, Luke!  
  5. As evidenced by the fact that she and Avery have the same hair. Thanks to my friend Lauren for pointing this out.  
  6. Remember, Jules has signed away her parental right, but she has PPD, so…  

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles
Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv
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