Ho-Ho-Horrible Holiday Movie: Lifetime’s The Flight Before Christmas

The plane encounters a storm and has to land in Montana. Tall Nerd says “Montana” the way one might say “a pit of anthrax.” Tall Nerd and Blossom get into an argument (drink!) about their own failed relationships. I can guess why this woman has failed relationships, but Tall Nerd is pretty hot and inoffensive. They are rebooked on another flight for the next day.

They’re all trying to find hotel rooms, but Blossom is doing it in the most obnoxious way possible, having loud phone conversations next to sleeping travelers and nearly shoving an elderly woman to charge her phone. Actual Santa (name: Noel. Not shitting you.) tells her about a little inn that will have a room for her, and that she should find a room for Tall Nerd, also.

The inn’s proprietress, Harriet Winslow, tells her that luckily, their nicest room is available. Blossom invites Tall Nerd to share her room. This reminds me of when I shared the last available rental car with a total stranger for a 4-hour drive from Minneapolis to Cedar Rapids after a cancelled flight. Except we didn’t have to sleep together. Yikes.

Harriet and Carl Winslow greet our two annoying travelers and show them to the honeymoon suite. The name “honeymoon suite” seems to greatly concern them, for no good reason. There is a couch for one of them to sleep on, for Christ’s sake. They call their respective East-coast peeps, who immediately figure out they are sharing a room with a stranger of the opposite sex. Nobody is happy about this.

The next morning leads to many plot contrivances involving the bathroom and showering and changing. Tall Nerd naturally exits the bathroom with just a towel on, because seeing his wet, rippling torso is meant to put Blossom in the “holiday spirit,” if you get my drift. The chemistry between these two just does not work, mostly because the puss she permanently has on makes her look 15 years older than him. The chemistry between Harriet and Carl, meanwhile, is still spot-on.

They go to a diner and get pancakes for breakfast. Apparently Tall Nerd doesn’t eat pancakes often, which makes perfect sense, given his Abs Situation. Afterward they play games at the Christmas Fair (Blossom wins a teddy bear that will NEVER fit on the plane), then go shopping at a jewelry store, where they over-explain how they know each other to the clerk who couldn’t care less. They argue again about nothing. Sigh.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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