5 Awesome Things from Nashville: Crazy Juliette Face

Juliette Barnes attacks fan in Atlanta hotel - Nashville photo
Nashville (Screen: ABC)

Crazy Juliette face should be an emoji.

Juliette is so distraught about Avery filing for divorce that she beats up a fan who tries taking a selfie with her. Gabrielle’s getting ready to launch Luke’s lifestyle brand and needs Jeff to spin this PR disaster. But the only way he’ll do that is if she makes him Luke’s CEO. Once Gabby agrees, Jeff pays the victim to tell the press she deserved Juliette’s wrath (stalker!), but Avery — who’s seeing this play out on TV — doesn’t buy that Jules isn’t having a major meltdown. And she absolutely is. She gets so wasted, she tries to sex Jeff.

After Gunnar hooks up with Erin (the hottie sound tech Juliette just fired), he asks for her number. She just says, “I know where you live.” He contacts her anyway (actual stalker!) and invites her to see Will perform at Kevin’s buddy’s showcase. By the way, Will is thrilled to be on stage again. That is, until some adoring girl fans push a cute gay guy toward the stage and he can’t handle it. So he gets pity party drunk and Kevin dumps him. Wait, what? This sucks!1

Now that Markus has canned Avery, he wants Rayna to produce his album. She’s ambivalent (having never done this before) but gives it a shot. Of course, he gets prickly and defensive when she offers a different arrangement of his new song. Only after she convinces Markus to hear Maddie’s interpretation is he open to direction. Irony! Maddie’s in hot water for performing with Juliette – she even lost her phone as punishment. But now Rayna wants her to perform? Oh my god, MOM, you’re SUCH a hypocrite!

Scarlett and Deacon have packed up Beverly’s apartment and are ready to leave Natchez when they learn her friends are hosting a tribute night at the lounge where she used to sing. Deacon is eager to go, while Scarlett chooses to mope in a sad, empty apartment, instead. Oh, Scarlett. Looks like I’m back to thinking you’re annoying.

It wasn’t easy, but here are five awesome things from this week’s super depressoid Nashville

At least he’s harmless? Gunnar convinces himself Erin left an earring in his room because she wants him to find her. Ya know, cuz chicks are like that, even when we explicitly don’t give out our numbers. He tracks her down and explains how he got them digits from Juliette’s tour manager. “He wouldn’t give it to me because of some confidentiality policy. Anyway, so I told him I was looking for a sound tech. Ya know, ’cause Juliette had you fired. Quick thinking, right?” Yeah, big round of applause for you, Creep. Then it turns out it isn’t even her earring! Whose is it, Zoey’s? Geez, how long’s it been since you cleaned your room, Gunnar? Anyway, Erin kinda blows him off at Will’s show but then turns up at his door for a midnight booty call, so I guess she doesn’t find him threatening. She’s a roadie. She’s probably seen way crazier shit than his dopey face.2

Will gets the best Juliette screen grab EVER (As seen above) I’ve gotten a few great ones myself. But this — taken from the local news broadcast — is a masterpiece. Crazy Juliette face is emoji worthy. Bravo, Mr. Lexington, bravo!

I’ve finally figured out Rayna’s one big flaw She’s kind of a prude, y’all. Okay, so I know I was Team Rayna last week when she and Maddie duked it out over the impromptu performance with Juliette. And yes, Maddie is an obnoxious brat. But wanting to be sexy on stage — especially when you’re no stranger to the stage — is totally normal teen girl behavior. So when Rayna insists (more or less), “That’s not the real you, Maddie,” she’s completely off, as evidenced by the fact that Maddie lost her virginity immediately after that performance.3 But Rayna is so blinded by concerns over appearances, she can’t comprehend that her kid is, in practice, a sexual being. And that’s normal, too. Nobody’s perfect and it’s kind of nice to see the Queen err.4

Deacon finds his Cheers Surprise, the lounge’s tribute to Beverly winds up being a transformative experience for both Deacon and Scarlett (who eventually shows up). She learns her mom was actually proud of her5 and he’s suddenly inspired to buy into his AA sponsor’s bar and turn it into a new venue called The Beverly. To the extent that this business plan lends itself to more Deacon on stage, I’m excited. But really, I want him to turn it into a karaoke bar. More Deacon singing Elvis please!!6

This is what Jeff gets for finally doing something good WHOA, BOY. Okay, so Jules is chugging and snorting everything she can reach. Avery is the only one who cares to intervene, but Jeff tells him by phone that she’s fine and even Glen advises him to just give it up. At the height of her misery, Jules texts “I’m sorry” to Avery. Instead of responding, he deletes her contact.

THEN Juliette stumbles through the hotel roof lounge where Luke just hosted a party, walks to the ledge and pours out some vodka to the street far below.7 Jeff follows her outside and tries talking her down. When it looks like she’s gonna jump, he nabs her off the ledge, but ends up throwing himself off in the process. WHAT THE FUUUU—? Jeff had just landed the CEO gig. He and Layla were about to stop being manager-client and start being live-in grody lovers. Um… I’m so sad? I’m sad for Layla, anyway. Also, Colt witnessed all this, so I’m sure that’s gonna have some consequence for his daddy’s douchey lifestyle brand. Now there’s some drama I can look forward to!

  1. I’ve been over Will’s endless self-flagellation for a loooong time, show. This character deserves more “Awesome Thing” appearances.  
  2. Here’s hoping she somehow ends up on tour with him and Scarlett. Blondie’s judgment will be delicious!  
  3. Or so it appears.  
  4. But from one Tennessee mom to another – better get your daughter to Planned Parenthood ASAP, these state legislators are gunning!!  
  5. Or liked bragging about her daughter to her friends – I’m not exactly sure that’s the same thing, or that it cancels out any of Bev’s deeply resentful BS  
  6. I would drive up from Chattanooga. Every. Weekend.  
  7. For her homies? Like she has any friends!  

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles

Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv

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