UnREAL Talk: This Is Just Gross Now

UnREAL (Photo: James Dittiger / Lifetime)
UnREAL (Photo: James Dittiger / Lifetime)

UnREAL features bribery. And entirely too much discussion of sperm counts.

The penultimate episode of UnREAL has a lot of people growing a pair of balls. Let’s see if all those balls have massive sperm counts like good ol’ Chet.

Shut up about your sperm, Chet. If I never hear Chet talk about his magical 21-year-old sperm again, it will be too damn soon.

Rachel and Jeremy. Does anyone care about these two? Jeremy is about as exciting as a nun in a ski coat.

Rachel and Adam. Interesting how Adam insists that Rachel is his dream woman and the only one he wants; meanwhile, Adam is having sex with nearly everything in sight. As Faith says, “if I drew a vagina on a piece of white paper, [he’d] hit on it.”

The suitorettes. All three want to win Everlasting. Grace because she wants to be famous. Anna because she has a “connection with” Adam (LOL). Faith because she wants to stay in the closet and, being a lesbian, she loves home renovations. Faith has by far the best argument, and even says Adam can cheat on her all he wants, but he sends her home and has an Anna/Grace final two. Yippee skippy.

Quinn/Chet/Madison. Quinn is pissed at Chet and plotting her revenge – in this case, starting her own production company and getting Chet ousted from the network. Quinn also wants to get Madison to conspire with her to sue Chet for sexual harassment, even though Madison totally wanted to give a major beej to him. Meanwhile, Chet is too busy bragging about his awesome sperm to notice that his life is about to be utterly destroyed.

Sex tape. Quinn has footage of Rachel and Adam’s rendezvous, and she is willing to release it to Jeremy and/or the press if Rachel doesn’t come work for her new production company. Well, this surely won’t create a tense professional environment, even if it does work.

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About Clare Snyder 140 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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