UnREAL Talk: Holy…Mary, Mother of God!

Shia interviews Mary during filming on Lifetime's UnREAL.
UnREAL (Photo: James Dittiger / Lifetime)

UnREAL takes it to a new level. The roof.

The entire episode of UnREAL was about Mary’s “family date” with her sister and daughter. It was such a colossal disaster (possibly the worst date ever?) that we will rank the five most appalling things about the date, in order of most workable to most straight-up horrifying.

  1. Anna interrupts the date to give a bunny to the children. The bunny in this case was provided by Chet for reasons of shit-stirring, and it definitely works. Anna is normally too nice to go along with this stuff, but hell, she’s super bored.
  2. Adam isn’t into Mary at all. Let’s face it, with hotties like Grace around to blow him in the wardrobe department, why keep the single mother who is behaving rather erratically? Of course, the latter is thanks to Shia replacing Mary’s bipolar medication with sugar or something.
  3. Chet and Quinn are literally betting on whether Mary will get her ass sent home. Fifty bucks! Chet is in typical form tonight as he smarms about how old Mary is compared to the bikini models he is used to on the show, but he shouldn’t talk, because he has not one but two women over 40 who are inexplicably interested in him.
  4. Mary’s abusive ex-husband shows up! Yes, Quinn will stop at nothing, even a (probably) restraining order, to create drama on the show. Let’s call up the man who gave Mary PTSD and is probably more manipulative than all the producers for Everlasting combined.
  5. Mary frickin’ kills herself by jumping off the roof! After a pep talk with her now-restrained ex-husband, Mary puts on her fanciest dress and heads up to the roof. Naturally, Quinn is devastated that there aren’t cameras filming it. Although Rachel tries to literally talk her off the ledge, Mary jumps off and is presumed dead. This can’t be good for business, Chet.

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About Clare Snyder 139 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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