UnREAL Talk: Whine and Cheese

Mary (Ashley Scott) reads her note for the cameras on Lifetime's UnREAL
UnREAL (Photo: James Dittiger / Lifetime)

UnREAL gets mega-meta with a date at Adam’s dilapidated vineyard. Also, cuckholds!

Rachel, Producer Extraordinaire. It is Rachel’s job to produce a date at Adam’s vineyard, which is in his contract for publicity. Sadly, the vineyard is an overgrown pile of shit, so they have to bring in a lot of help to make this thing camera-ready. The discussions with Quinn about budgets are very realistic, but boring as hell. As far as Accomplishments in the Field of Plot Contrivance, sexy cameraman Jeremy films Rachel and Adam having a discussion (which…why film that?) and seems jealous that Adam kisses her on the cheek.

Adam: Ho Fo’ Sho’. Not only is he whoring out his butt-ugly vineyard, he is having sex with the wives of potential vineyard investors…at their request. Despite the fact that she has caught him in the act several times now, Rachel STILL somehow has a crush on him.

Gross Moments. Just a short list: Chet driving around in a limo with hookers and weed; Adam kissing Rachel on the cheek and she is into it, ugh; Quinn goes out to dinner with a Chet rival named Bill and asks “are you trying to get me drunk and slutty?”; they want to turn Adam’s vineyard into the “Everlasting Resort and Spa…” free crabs with every stay?

The Ladies. After finding a tabloid declaring that their suitor Adam has been sexting his ex-fiancee back in England, they accept his “sincere” “apology” (this whole show should be in air-quotes) and not a single one of them leaves. The B-Team (as the black women call it) is half-represented on the group date, but ghetto-acting Athena is sent home at the Not-Rose Ceremony. MILF Mary doesn’t drink at the vineyard but she does get a Rachel-requested kiss in front of the other ladies. Shit, now I am questioning everything I have ever seen on The Bachelor. *cough*

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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