5 Awesome Things from Nashville: Juliette Goes Bananas

Nashville (Screen: ABC)

Juliette’s sanity has officially left the building, y’all.In anticipation of his liver transplant, Deacon is plagued by nightmares about dying. Manic Juliette finishes her album in 36 hours, but still has no interest in baby Whatshername1 (or discussing her obvious postpartum depression with Avery). Will’s homophobic dad Bill’s still in town, excited to see his kid open for Luke Wheeler, still in denial about his son’s sexuality, etc. Jeff is blocking all of Layla’s communications, taking her calls and insisting she avoid the internet because trolls are calling her fat. Dreamy Doctor Caleb asks Scarlett to move into his home. Kylie invites Gunnar to Austin so they can see Mikah together, but he’s clear on the fact that they can’t be a couple. When Luke confronts him about the tabloid photos, Will denies being gay. Rayna doesn’t want Juliette to tour right away, figuring a newborn baby ought to take precedence. This leads Juliette to assume everyone is ganging up on her, so she responds, “Screw you, lady!”, quits Highway 65 and later fires Glenn.

Mayor Teddy isn’t eager to aid a federal investigation that incriminates his ex-sister-in-law Tandy; when he learns that Tandy’s dirty money funded Highway 65, he’s even more squeamish. Gunnar and Scarlett struggle with writers’ block; when she learns that he’s going to Austin with Kylie and he learns she’s moving in with Caleb, they decide to postpone songwriting for a while. Liver donor heroine Beverly is warming up to Maddie and Daphne — even talking about staying in town after the transplant — but she clearly hates Rayna more than ever. Will asks Kevin to tell the press they’re not in a relationship, which puts the kibosh on said relationship, but then SO MUCH OTHER STUFF HAPPENS!

I’ve somehow narrowed it down to five awesome things from the Nashville season 3 finale

Psychic Deacon/Psycho Beverly As Deacon’s nightmare sequences move from trippy (floating in a field, then being buried alive) to specific (laying on the operating table, hearing the vital signs monitor go haywire), it becomes clear that our beautiful, brooding bastard is having a premonition. Something will go very wrong during surgery. Our first hint that the nightmare is coming true happens when they roll Beverly on a gurney past his hospital room. After Deacon and Rayna shout their thanks to her, she echoes the words he keeps hearing in his dreams, “Don’t say I never gave you anything.” Eek! Bev’s psychotic passive aggression truly is the stuff of nightmares.

Will’s “will he or won’t he” moment Gay or not, Luke decides it’s best for Will to lay low and stay offstage until the tabloid thing blows over. Father Bill is bummed that his son won’t be opening for Luke, but really just wants to be certain that he’s “changed.” Will claims he has, which is just a continuation of the same sad story we’ve been watching for two years. And then… TWIST! Right after Kevin makes his obligatory “I’m gay, but Will’s not” statement at a press conference, Will steps to the stage, glances at his sad-faced, ex-boyfriend and tells the reporters, “It isn’t true. What he said isn’t true. Because the truth is, I’m gay.” Way to dive in the deep end, buddy!2 Will later visits Kevin at home, thanks him for helping him be himself, and professes his love for him. Awww!!! p.s. This is the only happy thing that happens.

Juliette goes bananas As Avery tells a therapist, “irritability, moodiness, and lashing out” are typical Juliette behaviors, so it isn’t surprising when she quits the label and cans Glenn. But then she shows up at Jeff’s doorstep. Ewww. Even he can’t figure why she’d want to work with him, what with hating each other’s guts. She cites his void of interest in her personal wellbeing. Alrighty then! She doesn’t announce this career change to Avery when she happens to see him and Whatshername at home. Instead they fight about her depression, she insists on holding the baby to prove she can be a good mom, and when Avery tells her to back off, she throws a FREAKING SNOW GLOBE at them. Soon after that violent episode, she’s back at work, signing a contract with Wheelin’ Dealin’ Records and filling in as substitute opener for Will. She later returns home with a new snow globe and a fresh, new attitude. “Good news,” she squeals at Avery. “Will Lexington is GAY and I’m going on tour with Luke Wheeler!!” But he’s still hung up on the physical attack, and the news that she’s now being managed by the man who made him a cuckold last year. So he leaves her. Of course, Jules will interpret this as “everyone has abandoned me” and cling to her work evermore, because she has officially gone batshit crazy.

Layla is the new Taylor Swift… the one from the “Blank Space” video When Jeff isn’t around, Layla happens to notice a cell phone message from Rayna. The boss lady’s a bit worried about this contract that gives Jeff total control over everything. Soon Layla’s all over the internet — where absolutely no one is calling her fat3 — and then she stumbles across a photo from Jade’s party that captures the exact moment Jeff stole her phone and tweeted the forbidden selfie.4 We next see Layla bashing Jeff’s car with a golf club, yeah! Unfortunately, she doesn’t go full “Blank Space” on him. As soon as he mumbles some garbage about doing all these bad things so she won’t leave him, it’s all hugs in Layla land. Gross.

Cliffhangers! A suddenly inspired Scarlett writes lyrics for a song about Deacon and Rayna’s love story (read: the parallel of her rocky relationship with Gunnar). Gunnar drops by the hospital during Deacon’s surgery so he can play the melody for her on the hospital roof deck, because he just couldn’t wait for a less weird moment. Of course, their impromptu duet is pure magic, and pretty soon they’re going in for the kiss… cut to the operating room, where Deacon’s nightmare is coming true. Cut to Dr. Caleb pulling Rayna aside for a very serious discussion. Maddie and Daphne turn to watch their mom leaving the waiting room, just as the TV hanging in the background is breaking news about their dad, Mayor Teddy, being arrested for corruption. Holy what!?!?

Tune in next season for the incoming poop spray. You know I’ll be here.

  1. Cadence  
  2. Your Aries fan here HIGHLY approves of this briefly considered strategy.  
  3. Oh, show. You’ve met the internet before, right?  
  4. OH, SHOW.  

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles
Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv
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