Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead’s “Conquer”

The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)
The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)

The season 5 finale of The Walking Dead is amazing. Gory, gory, hallelujah!

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

Morgan is back, bitches! He meets some Wolves (a roving gang of thugs; same old, same old) and whups their asses immediately. Rick’s fate is being decided by the Alexandrians, while he makes plans to take over the whole damn town with force. Unfortunately, the rest of his group is not entirely down with his plan. Aaron and Daryl are trapped out in the wild, and Morgan comes along and saves them in a spectacular fashion, causing all watching to scream expletives followed by “YEAH” over and over – a condition I will call “multiple Morg-asms.” Useless Gabriel is useless, as usual. At the “how do you solve a problem like Rick” meeting, Pete shows up with Michonne’s sword and kills Reg, and Deanna is like “do it.” So Rick shoots Pete in the face. Oh, hi, Morgan! So good to see you again! You don’t look thrilled with the new safe haven! We must wait until season 6 to see what happens next.

Mildly Improbable

Sasha lays down in a mass zombie grave and chillaxes a bit. I do believe that bitch has lost her marbles.

Aaron is killing walkers with a license plate! He is the Jackie Chan of the zombie apocalypse. Not to be outdone, Daryl kills three walkers at the same time with a giant metal chain.

Pretty Improbable

Last time Morgan showed up, I compared him to Denzel Washington in The Book of Eli. This time he’s wielding a staff like fucking Donatello or some shit. He is SO BADASS. Especially compared to season 1 Morgan.

Father Gabriel goes out for a walk and declines a gun, saying “the word of God is the only protection I need.” He really DOES think he’s Denzel Washington in The Book of Eli!

Extremely Improbable

Reg: “The cavemen were nomads. They died. We are living.” Uh, yeah, until you die too. There is a life cycle for everything, whether you’re nomadic or stationary. God almighty, these Alexandria people are naïve.

“You can get that gate, right?” Yeah, let the obviously-unhinged Father Gabriel handle the single most important task for keeping the town safe: closing the gate. Predictably, he’s as good at that as he is at everything he has ever done.

YEAH, RIGHT

I didn’t think Carol could possibly get any more spectacular. Then she goes and brings Pete a casserole and threatens to murder his woman-beating ass. Then she tells him she wants that casserole dish back clean when he’s done with it. Carol, MARRY ME.

A Brief Word From Our Sponsors:

About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
Contact: Twitter