Mozart in the Jungle: Hailey Gets Her Fortissimo On

Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)

Hailey finally gets her fortissimo on, with Alex! No one else is quite so lucky. Except maybe Union Bob.

Hailey has spent most of the season drifting in the wake of Rodrigo’s ambition. This time it’s different: when Rodrigo drags her on a wild goose chase, his unconsummated passion for Anna Maria is contagious, and it’s Hailey — not Cynthia — who ends up horny and humping (with Alex) enthusiastically.

I Want You to Play the Sibelius

Rodrigo interrupts Hailey’s torturous lesson with Oboe Betty to go find Anna Maria. She obediently starts driving them … to a toxic waste dump.1 He’s convinced himself he can tame Anna Maria, who “gives him life.” When they get to the dump, she’s already gone, so they do the next logical thing — use social media to try to figure out where she’s staying. It’s late so they crash in a hotel room for a few hours, but it’s not long before Rodrigo (who never slept in the first place) is waking Hailey up to obsessively continue their hunt. They stumble across her tent next to an abandoned warehouse. When he starts to chicken out, Hailey reminds him to do this “for the blood.” Rodrigo begs Anna Maria to be the soloist for his first concert, trying to entice her by asking her to play the first piece of music they ever made love to. It works! They start to have sex, but that doesn’t work because she’s wearing an old-school chastity belt to “preserve her passion.” It infects Hailey, apparently, because the next thing we know she’s hopping up and down all over Alex2 in his apartment.

Something Strong than Codeine

Cynthia’s wrist is getting worse, so she gets some drugs from the resident pill-pusher to tide her over until her doctor’s appointment “in a few days” (yeah, right). Meanwhile, even the dealer is genuinely concerned she is heading down the path to addiction. She gets high and forgets she was supposed to talk business with Union Bob, until he shows up in her apartment. She starts drunkenly complimenting him, and asks why they’ve never had sex. He stays over and half-nakedly makes eggs the next morning, blissfully unaware of her apparent discomfort / regret. Awwwwwkward.

Alpaca farm! Pay off my student loans and parking tickets!

Lizzie unexpectedly gets a large inheritance, and can’t decide whether to spend it responsibly, or frivolously. Hailey is too preoccupied to help her out, so Lizzie’s other friends brainstorm ideas. She gets nervous about being tied down and leaves abruptly.

Memorable moments

Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
“Your vibrato’s not going to sit up and fix itself.”
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
“Thermos in the void. Awesome.”
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
“I’m sifting through all the proverbial feels.”
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
“I take it from your haircuts, you’re here for that classical music freak?”
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
“It’s a regular-sized piccolo.”
Mozart in the Jungle (Screen: Amazon.com)
  1. At what point is Hailey going to inquire before she just does things for Rodrigo?  
  2. That is not a euphemism.  

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About Ryan Brazell 135 Articles
E-mail: ryan@whatelseison.tv
  • Aaron Mucciolo

    ………

    ………………………….

    …wut?

    • Yeah, I know.

      • Aaron Mucciolo

        I seriously don’t think I’ll ever watch this show because it would ruin the fever dream acid trip version I have in my head.