Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead’s “Spend”

The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)
The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)

The Walking Dead has terrible people do stupid things this week. More than usual, that is.

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

Glenn et al go on a supply run with Eugene to get solar equipment, resulting in being attacked by a horde and losing dumbass Aiden (and possibly Tara, who is injured). Eugene uses terrible techno music to lure walkers away from Glenn, Noah, and What’s His Face, so they can make an exit; but What’s His Face is a total shithead and sacrifices Noah’s life so he can get away. Meanwhile, Abraham et al go out for construction equipment and get attacked by a horde (sounds familiar), losing nobody thanks to Abraham’s quick thinking. Sam harasses a hateful Carol for more cookies because he is the worst. But it turns out he might have another motive…like taking revenge on a drunk, abusive dad. Father Gabriel goes to Deanna and reports that Rick’s group is a bunch of evil demons. You’d be dead if it wasn’t for them, asshole. Let’s see if his under-the-bus-throwing worked next week!

Mildly Improbable

I know Eugene is a giant P-word, but being instantly overpowered by a skinny female walker when he has to fight for his life is another P word: pathetic.

Little Sam sure likes to hang around with Carol, considering 1) Carol clearly hates his guts, and 2) Carol threatened to murder him. Children generally lack social awareness but you’d think fear would be a powerful motivator. Apparently cookies are more powerful.

Pretty Improbable

Father Gabriel has a church! In a garage! What kind of garage has nice windows like that, though? I call bullshit. Also, he is so upset by the presence of strawberries that he rips a bible to shreds. The group should have eaten Gabe when they had the chance.

“I need to send a fax to Cleveland.” Is that code for “taking a dump?” Why not say “I need to send the Browns to the Super Bowl?” Shortly thereafter Abraham blurts out “mother dick” and I just have no idea what kind of slang these freakin’ people are using.

Extremely Improbable

Noah being on the supply-run team is ridiculous. The kid has a limp, for God’s sake. It makes much more sense for him to become an architect’s apprentice, like he wants. Also, he will get oatmeal, which is amazing.

How is Aiden so stupid? Seriously. A walker is coming right at him, wearing a helmet with a face mask, and he continues to shoot at its head (useless) until he accidentally hits an explosive (destructive) and gets his broke ass pounded with shrapnel and eaten.

YEAH, RIGHT

Supply-run chief Aiden had the WORST taste in music. Holy shit. Techno remixes blaring in a rape van?! Double-you tee EFF, y’all. No wonder everyone hated him. RIP, Aiden. Good riddance to bad music.

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About Clare Snyder 140 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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