This week on The Bachelor: Fantasy Suite Edition, the love guru of Bali tells ‘the virgin’ to, direct quote, ‘make love.’ ABC, we have a problem.
Why is Chris smiling? Well, it’s Fantasy Suite Week on The Bachelor and we’re down to Whitney, Kaitlyn and Becca. First up, Chris and Kaitlyn head to a temple where kissing is forbidden, bore snore, and then on to walk the streets of Bali, complete with monkeys and locals who are more than happy to smile for the camera. This is all followed by more monkeys, this time in a designated area where you buy a banana or two and the monkeys swarm you, and, ooops sorry Chris, pee on your crisp sea foam green shirt. Kaitlyn kisses him to make it better. I think it’s still gross. Then we’re onto Whitney who has already professed her love, or falling in love. Her sister didn’t give her full approval for marriage on her hometown date, but Whitney’s still down for a great day on the boat, until…nope, it’s fine, the captain just slammed into the dock, it’s all good friends, nothing to see here. But there IS a bit to talk about. You see Whitney has a career, don’t they all have careers or at least roots in their city, Chris is concerned about Whitney’s career and that she’ll have to leave it behind to move with him. Luckily, Whitney is more savvy than we thought and gracefully explains she’s unfulfilled until she has a husband and kids and understands that will be her job in small town Iowa. We’re wondering what she’ll do in small town Iowa BEFORE that happens. But, before Becca and Chris can spend time in the Fantasy Suite, she has to share her secret. Becca. Is. A. Virgin. Nothing wrong with it. In fact it’s quite admirable. The problem is that Chris is about to propose to someone and one should at lease KNOW that their potential fiance is a virgin before one decides to marry said person, no?
So DO tell the Bachelor before the Fantasy Suite Week that you’re a virgin.
Don’t think it’s easy for the Bachelor to find the words to respond to your telling him you’re a virgin, at this point in the season. What do you say? He said some nice things, but was clearly still in shock.
Also, Do realize exotic, spiritual, nature-centered locales come with lots of spiritual, nature-centered rules. So you make be going to a traditional temple where you can’t kiss. But don’t worry, you can save such affection for the Fantasy Suite, right?
Oh Kaitlyn, Don’t tell the Bachelor how devastated and “unable to shake that one’ you’ll be if Chris doesn’t pick you.
Do have some questions. Not having questions doesn’t mean you’re falling in love, it means you’re delusional. Remember when Nikki didn’t have any questions for Juan Pablo and then found herself on Couples Therapy and then single? Ask things! (It’s also just good TV)
Don’t think the Bachelor won’t have questions, like are you prepared to live in teeny-tiny Arlington, Iowa? Be prepared to answer, Whitney.
Don’t be surprised at how nice the Fantasy Suite is, did you expect a roach-infested shack?
Do be ready to move to Iowa. You know the Bachelor lives there and you too have to be ready to buy (into) the farm, so to speak.
Don’t think because someone is taken aside during a rose ceremony that they’re going home. You’ll be disappointed when they walk back in holding the Bachelor’s hand.
Next week: It’s Whitney vs. The Virgin. Is Becca The Virgin (that’s an official title of course) ready to move to Iowa and be a farmer’s wife? We know Whitney is. Stay tuned.