Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead’s “Them”

Daryl on the Walking Dead.
The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)

The Walking Dead gets so emotional, baby. Ain’t it shocking what dehydration can do?

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

Our intrepid heroes are making their way towards Washington, but find themselves devoid of food and water. Sasha is a bit nuts from losing Bob and her brother, but her current enthusiasm for violence scores the group a small pack of dogs to eat, so huzzah! Assorted characters (Sasha, Abraham, Maggie, even Daryl) take turns being extremely emo. After a much-needed rainstorm comes along, they take shelter in a barn and continue to have emo conversations about emo issues. After they are spared from a zombie tornado of some sort, they feel somewhat better about their odds of survival. Then a dude named Aaron comes up and wants to talk to Rick. What will happen next week?

Mildly Improbable

Maggie, suffering from continued grief and probably a serious case of the “I need carbs,” takes a brief break from sobbing to nonchalantly stab a walker in the head. Everybody hurts, sometimes.

Daryl finds and eats one worm, and that’s it? Where there’s one, there are more. Eat up, Daryl, they’re a fantastic source of protein!

After five seasons, Rick finally utters the line “we ARE the walking dead.” It’s about goddamn time, Ricky! Of course, he immediately has to take it back, because that is an unpopular opinion among the group.

Pretty Improbable

Rosita’s wearing capri pants! And she is covering her midriff! It’s a Valentine’s weekend miracle!

Father Gabriel seemingly abandons his faith by burning the little white collar he wears. That collar came off very easily. It’s surprising that it hadn’t fallen off in the two years of apocalypse we’ve seen so far.

Extremely Improbable

If they have no water or food, how the hell is Judith still doing okay? Babies are affected by such things extremely quickly, on account of their low muscle mass and inability to retain much water. Also, if it comes down to it, they should totally eat Father Gabriel. Just saying.

Just when you think Daryl can’t be any more badass, he puts out his cigarette on his hand without even flinching. That’s as sexy as it gets, folks.

YEAH, RIGHT

It is impossible to believe that nobody in this group has water-locating skills. Surely Daryl knows how to make a basic solar still? Surely someone knows how to find buried water? Hell, surely there is the occasional river or creek that has not run dry.

So…wait a second…they were all struggling to keep the barn door closed against a hoard of walkers, then a few hours later they’re all totally fine and the walkers are gone? Zombies do not tire. They do not give up. Or was that a tornado they were blocking out? As the (horrible) saying goes, there’s more confusion than fifty blind lesbians in a fish market. Oh, they go outside to investigate and find that it was BOTH zombies AND a tornado. They’re definitely going to make a movie about that shit for the SyFy network.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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