Why Watch? Sleepy Hollow’s ‘Kali Yuga’

Matt Barr as Hawley on Fox's Sleepy Hollow
Sleepy Hollow (Photo: Fox)

Ah, Sleepy Hollow: when we said we loves us some Hawley, we didn’t mean a whole episode’s worth.

Between travel schedules, ‘jobs’, and familial commitments, lovers of Sleepy Hollow Tanya and Mooch don’t always get the chance to watch an episode within the week after its initial broadcast. Fortunately, at least one of the pair does. Even more fortunately, the other of the pair is more than willing to make wild guesses as to what transpired.

This week’s transcript was edited for space, extreme sidetracking about the weather, and Mooch talking about cheese curds and the Super Bowl, though not at the same time.

The podcast may still occur, one of these days.

T: All right, any time now! I am all settled. I have CARAMELS to get me through.

M: Caramels > chocolate?

T: I have chocolate too.

M: Won’t you just going to be over-sugared?

T: I will have dinner first, and that will balance everything. Give me five to serve and I’ll eat while formulating thin plot lines.

M: Very thin.

T: Sadface. (Three minutes later) Okay I’m back! With curry!

M: And caramels? And chocolates?!

T: Yes! All Cs tonight – coffee too. It’s what I anticipate grading this episode: C for effort and overall plotting. Tell me I’m wrong, Mooch. Tell me I’m wrong.

M: Back when you were in school, did you ever, or did a classmate ever, do that thing where you got all creative with the assignment and maybe wrote a musical when it was a three page essay, and the teacher didn’t really know what to do with it because clearly there was thought and effort involved but it wasn’t at all what they were expecting?

T: ….you mean my book report that turned into a 5-chapter novella? Yeah… I got a C on that, too. First C of my life.

M: Maybe? Did you write about the book on which you were reporting, or did you describe an entirely different book, and maybe also a tv show while you were at it?

T: …I wrote the book I wished it had been…

M: That’s sort of what we’re dealing with this week. Three elements plus the B-plot to guess at from the start:

T: The teacher denied me – and the whole class! – birthday cupcakes. It was hard.

M: ….how old were you?

T: 4th grade.

M: And still, the wounds, they hurt you so.

T: It rankles, yes. SO: three elements and a b-plot… a) magical weaponry, b) random books that tells us things but not very well, c) a monster straight of Christina Rossetti!

M: Who?

T: She wrote “Goblin Market”. 19th century female poet. FOUNDATIONAL, Mooch.

M: You covered her in 5th grade, I assume. Let me rephrase: A-plot, b-plot, running contemporary gag, overarching character plot. First: A-plot, since you know it involves Hawley.

T: Yes. Does he spend any of this episode injured?

M: No. Just tied down to something. Shirtless. I will pause for swooning.

T: Wait. WAIT. ::picks herself up from the floor:: Is this a rescue Hawley mission??

M: It becomes a rescue Hawley mission!

T: I almost don’t want to know what Ichabod says to that! (But of course I do.)

M: So everything starts off with our contemporary runner – is it: a) karaoke b) bowling c) watching American football (‘dip’ initially confounds Ichabod) or d) a poetry slam?

T: NOPE there is no way it’s a poetry slam, despite my Christina Rosetti reference. Oh gosh, bowling vs karaoke? I want it to be Karaoke SO BADLY. Can it be?

M: It can!

T: REALLY?! Oh boy oh boy – please tell me Ichabod sings Johnny Cash, or Waterfalls.

M: Oh that would have been beyond spectacular. Ichabod, Jenny, and Hawley are watching Abbie nail Gnarls Barkley’s ‘Crazy’.

T: Ooooooh group hangout! Without Katrina?

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About Aaron Mucciolo 206 Articles
He does things. That's all we can say at this time. E-mail: mooch@whatelseison.tv