The Bachelor Rules of the Rose: He’s a LOT country…

The Bachelor Chris puts himself in mortal danger in the path of four tractors.
The Bachelor (Photo: Rick Rowell / ABC)

Welcome back to Week 2 Weirdness on The Bachelor, this is where we start to separate the crazy from the crazier.

In case you were watching Ohio State help head coach Urban Meyer win his 3rd NCAA Football Championship, this week the women find themselves hanging around sunny Los Angeles.  Ya know, doing the usual – pool parties, walking through Downtown LA in bikinis, paintball, tractor races.

It all starts with the first group date, which is to no one’s surprise, a pool party. Complete with The Bachelor dramatically tossing away his shirt so his legion(s) of bachelorettes can ohhh and ahh and tell us in interview that they’ve been waiting for this moment.  What they haven’t been waiting for is the stroll through LA in their bikinis and subsequent tractor race, well, me either ladies.  To the victor goes The Bachelor, and since I’m not ready to learn anyone’s name who isn’t “the crazy one” yet (Ashley?), the victor has dark hair and is said to be wearing too much makeup per other contestant comments.  She also thinks she’s getting the date-rose, she doesn’t, they never do.  Later, he takes a ‘the widow’ to the Grand Canyon via private jet and helicopter where she reveals, because she already told everyone else, that her husband committed suicide and she has a young daughter.  To his credit, The Bachelor, yes I know his name is Chris but that’s not important, seems generally glad about the revelation.  I think it just shows this woman is a grownup who can handle a little rejection, if it comes to that, after all she’s been through.   Finally, a paintball group date – don’t worry they don’t get to shoot each other which would have been great tv, they’re shooting random guys dressed as zombies.  Luckily for our entertainment one woman is so confused about who to shoot that this might actually be dangerous.  Oh boy, she should have read the rules.

Do believe in second chances.  Last week Kim didn’t receive a rose, this week she walked back in to talk to him, then he let her stay.

Don’t trip on the rugs (?!) on the way to get your rose, none of the other women will help you.  That’s right, keep your marks ladies.

Do bring your most rugged bikini, you’ll be doing a LOT in it.

Don’t wear a bikini that requires blurring or a black bar on primetime network television, especially when sneaking into the Bachelor’s house.

Do twerk upside down on the wall, we understand you have no tv or cell phones.

Don’t be more Kardashian than country, Ashley (not the crazy one, there are a few Ashleys).

Do cry, but just a little, Mackenzie was crying a river until Chris plucked her from the group date for a little one on one time.

Don’t cry TOO MUCH, it’s only Week 2.

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About Sandra Smith 98 Articles
Sandra Smith is a graduate of Northwestern and Syracuse Universities where she wrote and studied and wrote. She currently earns her keep working on a variety of your favorite reality shows for HGTV, TLC, Discovery Channel, MTV and FUSE and dreaming of creating the next Law & Order. E-mail: sandra@whatelseison.tv
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  • Clare Snyder

    I am 45 minutes into this program and my mouth is hanging agape in disgust that Megan DIDN’T REALIZE IT WAS A F***ING DATE CARD! I think they should have cast only women over 26, because some of this chicks are just too young/drunk/stupid for a 33-year-old man.

  • Aaron Mucciolo

    Wait, twerk upsid– wha?