Why Watch? Sleepy Hollow’s ‘Paradise Lost’

M: In a clearing.

T: Ichabod does a weird Vogue-ish pose as he realizes Henry is gone, and then … opening credits.

M: Did this opening sequence, through to the vogueing, last more than three minutes?

T: I don’t think so? It was brief. Oh – I finally got to see Katrina’s corset/leggings combo.

M: I recall tight jeans. But it’s been ages, and I am not the fashionista I once was.

T: Oh maybe. It was nighttime. They were painted on. All right – what time are we in when we cut back after commercials?

M: We’re in… revolutionary times, introducing whatever thingie is the metaphor/parallel of the week

T: Nope.

M: Not the present day neither?

T: Sigh. We’re 6 weeks after the clearing. So ‘present day’.

M: I was totally going to say ‘the future’! By which I meant like 2046 and Ichabod is a cyborg who complains about the inadequate state of hydraulic fluid.

T: Where do we meet up with our intrepid Witnesses? (I’ve already given you a clue. Scroll back.)

M: A pants shop.

T: Further back.

M: a drawing room, with a small but sprightly older lady detective!

T: Too far back! A farmers’ market, where Ichabod pooh-poohs the idea of calling vegetables “organic”. “They’re all organic, Leftenant! This is absurd.” “Just buy some fruit, Ichabod. you’ll get scurvy otherwise.” “AH I FOUND DEMON FRUIT” “The demons are dead. Sorry, farmer, we’ll leave now.” (That is not quite how it happened, but it could have been.)

M: Yeah, I was going to say – some of those are verbatim, right?

T: I mean, he cut an apple open and found black maggots inside.

M: Evil black maggots?

T: Well, I can’t imagine you’d want to eat them. Ichabod went a bit nuts about how this was “a sign” and Abbie gently drew him away and tsk-tsked about how nothing had happened for six weeks.

M: Ah, he’s itching for action! Like the team at the start of Ghostbusters 2.

T: Pretty much. Now then: where’s Katrina while Abbie and Ichabod are getting domestic with the fruits?

M: Chatting up the herb merchant, who is decidedly short on good ingredients. No fresh bats livers at all…

T: Heh. Nope. All Is Not Hunky Dory In Paradise.

M: She moved into an Extended Stay, didn’t she!

T: If, by ‘Extended Stay’, you mean the cabin with extended visits to prisoner Abraham… Meanwhile, Ichabod’s making his bed behind two chalkboards in the archives. (It did not look comfortable; even worse than the time a tall, lanky friend of mine spent a drunken night passed out on two floor cushions.)

M: And he’s getting more stubbly with each passing day, walking around in his long pantaloons like nothing matters. Anyway: Ichabod at the archives, Katrina at the cabin, Abe down in the cellar.

T: …which tells you what about the Cranes? (You know, I really want Katrina to get into self help books. That would tickle me.) And why, oh why, might Katrina be spending her time with a chained up Horseman?

M: Ichabod wasn’t that adventurous?

T: You, sir, are gold. But nope. Katrina has a) decided that Abraham truly is the one she loves b) thinks the only way to get to Henry is through the Horseman c) is working a complex spell that requires space d) thinks she can separate the Horseman from the, uh Man e) is punishing Ichabod for something he might have said, but she won’t tell him and is expecting him to figure it out “on his own”. You are allowed to pick two.

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He does things. That's all we can say at this time. E-mail: mooch@whatelseison.tv