With State of Affairs taking a week off for the holidays, now’s a great time to catch up with our favorite forgotten JSOC commando.
8 dec – may have snuck into earthquake-struck region of panama to recover smallpox samples. may also have found a not-insignificant number of civilians exposed to samples. may also currently be imprisoned in panamanian jail for sneaking into country. am not worried: these activities are far too important to not catch and hold the u.s. government’s attention.
9 dec – charlie and potus aware of situation(s). assume standard 1 week lag before action can be taken. note to self: next time, take netflix up on their offer of employment.
15 dec, 0300 z1 – doubtless rescue is on its way.
15 dec, 0400 z – …wait, all I got is a brief mention in the opening three minutes? and no follow up on the thirty-plus civilians exposed to smallpox? what happened? about anything? this episode was about… what? and how do I have a tv to know these things?
22 dec, 0300 z – this week. for sure.
22 dec, 0400 z – i’m not too big to admit that my feelings are starting to hurt jusssst a little. but i will soldier on. ha. the puns are the only thing that helps me make it through the night in what must by now be a disease-overrun south american prison.
28 dec – surely someone will save the two simpsons children…. and me….. and the MULTIPLE CIVILIANS EXPOSED TO SMALLPOX THREE WEEKS AGO
29 dec – have just discovered there are no pictures of me on NBC’s press site. can only assume I have been disavowed. will begin plotting elaborate revenge, to culminate during sweeps week.
- That’s 10pm EST. ↵