T: Moloch: not a motivational speaker.
M: Yet he still gets results. It’s like Steve Jobs. Except I am not comparing Jobs to a demon monster, internet. Except for the part where I am.
M: Henry shows up wherever the gang is holed up. He summons some binding vines on Abbie. Jenny steps out and uses a magical gun! It does little. More vines! Henry takes the sword! (long pause in the IM conversation) You are on the edge of your seat!
T: …I’m thinking about the magical gun that does little… I’m thinking Hawley is a secret saboteur. Anyway: Henry + sword = Katrina yelling “No my son you’ll lose your soul!!!”
M: He’s immortal – he can use the sword without issue! But it turns out… it was a fake sword! Katrina enchanted a normal sword so it would look like Methuselah’s. Tricky, eh? Ichabod puts the real sword to Henry’s throat.
T: Oh Katrina, using her powers. It just so silly sounding at this point.
M: Well, it was noted that, as the worlds collide, her powers are weakened but whatever. That may have entirely been so she couldn’t save Irving. Henry seals the church and tells them the only way to leave is to kill him! Final commercials!
T: Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What can they be selling now?
M: Heh. When they’re back: Ichabod has a plan. This plan may be being pulled out of his butt, or it may be what the team discussed, but it’s unclear. The plan, if successful, would leave everyone currently in the church happy. Can you guess? It’s not bad.
T: Turn Henry.
M: Sorta. How?
T: Mother’s milk… I don’t know?
M: Kill Moloch, Henry is free, everyone can be a family again!
T: Oh goodie!
M: Henry seems moved by the fact they never gave up on him.
T: Really? That is surprising.
M: Is he moved?
T: Never! Henry is never moved. He is solid as a rock in his evil parent-hate.
M: So true, so true. He takes advantage of Ichabod letting down his guard, snags the sword, marches them to Moloch.
T: Oh no! Bad Henry! Playing-to-type Henry!
M: I know! So typical! Apparently a sacrifice or something is needed for the final tree to burn. Kill the witch, says Moloch, and the tree will burn. Henry murmurs that she’s Abraham’s!
T: When has Henry cared about that??!
M: Right? This seems to be him trying to find a way not to kill his mother.
T: What. is. going. on.
M: Although he doesn’t protest too much – it also sounds like he feels bad for Abraham and his sacrifices. He says to Moloch ‘but the deal you made…’
T: Hm. Interesting.
M: So… Will. He. Kill. Katrina?
T: No. That would necessitate new opening credits.
M: He rears back to swing the sword!
T: Zombie Irving rises and stabs him!
M: Ichabod blurts out ‘No! Take me!’
T: Where are the heroic zombies?
M: She asks you. This sort of stops everyone in their tracks for some reason. Henry and Ichabod say some stuff about Abraham (the biblical one) and Isaac. I can’t for the life of me follow the logic of the dialogue, or what the writers want us to be thinking.
T: Father son sacrifice? Lambs? That one?
M: Something something how terrible a man that would sacrifice his son, or a god that would ask for it, or an aunt who won’t leave or something.
T: “Absalom my son my son! o why hast though forsaken me?”
M: The point! In what I’m guessing is a sudden, unexpected shift, Henry takes decisive action and jams the sword into……?
T: …Hawley. Please. Put the poor actor out of his misery.
M: Why don’t you like Hawley?
T: Let him shave off his beard.
M: I thought you loved Hawley! And his chest hair.
T: Let him take his rightful place as a Pantene spokesperson. I do like him, but he’s so ill-used I feel bad for him. So Henry slashes…
T: …is Henry planning his demon takeover ALREADY? Dang he’s fast.
M: Stupid, dumb, all over the place episode and arc and he takes-out-the-bossmanCREDITS
T: Well goodbye Moloch, we hardly knew ye. So is Henry now the big evil? Does this turn into Ichabod + Abbie + Katrina + Hawley + Jenny go to the mall? I mean, WHAT NEXT. Oh right, wait. Jenny gets to care for Irving’s family.
M: Yes, she’s getting spun off into her own half hour domestic sitcom.
T: Irving’s daughter becomes a gun-toting relic hunter. But gosh. Okay. No Moloch. You know what that means, right?
M: …the writers never figured out what to do with him?
T: …. MORE importantly it means….it’s… TIME FOR REYES TO BRING HER EVIL to Sleepy Hollow and she is going to be nasty.
M: I haven’t been on board with this idea at all, but you’re starting to make me wonder. Okay – any questions?
T: Yeah: what was going on the rest of the season that got us here? I mean: why all the random monsters of the week, procedural, no real development of skills or fighting or magic, why this, why now, what just happened?
M: Writing by committee is my guess. This show has always been more of a concept than a series.
T: Do they want to keep a loyal watcher base?
M: They still have solid numbers. Not as huge as when they started, but solid. Although Grimm actually beat them last week – different nights and all, but still. You should watch Grimm. It holds together way better than Sleepy Hollow.
T: Is it on Netflix? The beginning, I mean?
M: No. You can catch up on demand with this season – some parts won’t make total sense, but the characters are clear and it balances monster of the week (literally) with the plot’s development.
T: Okay: the killing Moloch, killing Irving… what are they doing please let it be something clever please please.
M: One can hope, right? You should go be sociable or whatever. I should go shop at my 24/7 supermarket.
T: And eat your 24/7 foods, yes.
M: Yes yes. Ttys dude.