Why Watch? Sleepy Hollow’s ‘The Akeda’

M: Abraham claims whoever wields the sword will have their soul taken by the sword itself – they’ll be dead.

T: Oooooh swordlore! They should totally call in zombie GW now.

M: They take Abraham to Jefferson’s chamber.

T: Of course they do.

M: Jenny tracks down some obscure verse of something (at Katrina’s request) to find out if Abraham is telling the truth.

T: Yes, research! Which archives is she in?

M: She brings it to the cabin. Maybe it was there already. If you’d like location-consistency and specificity, this is not the episode for you.

T: SPOILER: they move. Everywhere.

M: …the archives move?

T: Like ghosts.

M: …….. anyway, was Abraham telling the truth?

T: Sure, because he really does not want Ichabod to lose his soul. There’s some friendliness left in that cold, bad-haired bosom.

M: You misspelled a word – it’s ‘sure, because otherwise it would be too simple for them to use the sword’. Common mistake. But Jenny has an idea to deal with this whole ‘sword’s gonna get your soul’ problem.

T: Oooh goodie. She wants Hawley to sacrifice himself, yes??

M: Better – at least in terms of cast coverage – what if someone who doesn’t have a soul to risk wields it?

T: IRVING IS BACK ::throws a party:: unless… wait… are we sure Reyes has a soul?

M: You just do not like that nice police lady.

T: I have so few details about her, there’s nothing to hold onto. I’m just making the rest up willy-nilly.

M: Fair enough. Yes, Irving is back. But first: Henry and Moloch are hanging out at the white trees (remember those?) and Moloch sets one on fire. Henry seems oddly put off by this, and I don’t think it’s because he’s a closet arborist or anything.

T: Henry’s like “fire is for cribs and cradles, Moloch!” Wait…is Moloch his own father? This family tree is weird.

M: (tries to do the math) That’s an excellent question. I have no idea. My next note is ‘Blah blah Ich and Kat’

T: Uh-huh. Also a really tender coming of age YA novel.

M: I wouldn’t know, I was raised on The New Yorker. I’m going to skip all the instances of this and give the takeaway: Katrina is really on the fence – more over the fence – about killing Henry if it comes to that. Ichabod is… resigned to the possibility. Also: jealousy. I have just summarized three more scenes.

T: Jealousy?? Whose?

M: Ichabod, about Katrina and Abe.

T: Still?? Sigh.

M: I know! This is why my notes are ‘blah blah’.

T: Understandable.

M: Jenny notices something (which we did not hear last time) in Irving’s voicemail – him saying something like ‘nine, twenty-three, seventeen, eighty’

T: And just like the TLDRxxx12 tape of their mom, Abbie’s going to miraculously know what that means.

M: This one’s for Ichabod, apparently. It’s the date of John Andre’s capture – which made me so excited! So: how disappointed was I by what came next?

T: Like a LOT. So disappointed you almost gave up right there. So disappointed, even Peter Pan looked intriguing. So disappointed, you momentarily forgot what powers hot air balloons. So disappointed, you’re not sure you can talk about it without weeping a little.

M: I will address these in reverse order: No; I never forget what powers hot air balloons; that’s a reasonable comparison; almost; and yes.

T: Psst: who’s John Andre? Is he responsible for the cheap champagne at college parties?

M: He was effectively Benedict Arnold’s handler, the British guy who turned him.

T: Ah.

M: I think I’ve ranted about this particular thing in the past, but I went to John Paulding Elementary (Paulding was one of the three rebels who captured Andre) and there’s a town park called Patriot’s Park which has a memorial to the war, and the capture specifically. But in this version of Sleepy Hollow? There’s an ‘old military installation’ where Andre was taken when he was captured which is apparently STILL STANDING. And then we don’t even see that because Irving’s actually hiding in the tunnels under the installation.

T: …. location specificity: blah blah blah. They don’t care for your love of history and Sleepy Hollow. They don’t care, Mooch. They just don’t care. ::pats:: ::hands you a tub of ice cream::

M: Oo, ice cream. (I’m going food shopping after this.) So they find Irving, who’s gone a little Taxi Driver…

T: Innnnnteresting.

M: …and convince him to try and wield the sword. He makes Jenny promise to take care of his wife and daughter if this doesn’t work.

T: Good. I’d almost forgotten about them.

M: At the same time – why demand this of Jenny, aside from the fact that only she and Ichabod are talking to him?

T: “You coulda been a stepmother, Jenny. can you be a stand-in dad instead?”

M: Touching.

T: So… I’m guessing no Irving/Jenny kissing happens.

M: Once again, this is a case of too many monsters and not enough face sucking. I don’t think there was any kissing this episode. So Irving interrogates the Horseman, in the chamber, with the sword.

T: It was Professor Mustard! In the conservatory! With the candlestick!

M: You’re picking up what I’m laying down. Abraham tells them Henry and Moloch are by the white trees, and that burning each in turn brings a different… I don’t know. Lightning, blood, the demon army (which I was asking about earlier), and then hell on earth.

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About Aaron Mucciolo 206 Articles

He does things. That’s all we can say at this time. E-mail: mooch@whatelseison.tv