Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 7 – Crossed

Rick works on his target practice on the Walking Dead.
The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)

The Walking Dead features terrible plans all around. Just terrible.

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

The church group (except Carl, Michonne, Judith and Gabriel) head into Atlanta to save Beth and Carol. Tyreese comes up with a horrible plan to take two cops as prisoners to trade for them, which backfires tremendously as you can imagine. Meanwhile, Father Gabriel sneaks out of the church (for some reason) and Eugene is basically in a coma while Glenn and Rosita go fishing. No, really. That’s what happens. Next week, we continue trying to save Beth and Carol. Sigh.

 

Mildly Improbable

If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the show Naked and Afraid, it’s that you should always boil stream water before drinking it, especially in the zombie apocalypse when Christ only knows what’s in that water.

Daryl has been shockingly merciful recently. This is the second episode in a row where he has advocated for the safety of someone who has literally just tried to kill him.

Father Gabriel escapes the church! And he’s about to kill his first walker until he sees her cross necklace. She’s Christian? That changes EVERYTHING. *cough*

Pretty Improbable

They should have taken Michonne on the rescue mission and left Tyreese behind at the church. He is way less useful than Michonne. No offense.

In the scene where they walk past the downed telephone pole and wax rhapsodic about Eugene’s lies, I have no idea who was talking: Tara or Rosita. Neither of their mouths were moving. Nice editing, show.

Abraham is on my last fucking nerve with his drama-queen shit. This is attention-seeking behavior, Abraham! It is unbecoming! When Maggie told him “get over yourself,” I did a slow clap on my couch.

Extremely Improbable

Father Gabriel’s initial attempt to clean blood out of the wood floors of the church was pathetic at best. Yes, scratching it with your fingernails and rubbing your saliva on it will surely work. *cough again*

Any time they need to bash in or stab a walker’s head, it turns to mush immediately; yet when Daryl needs to rip off that head and use it as a weapon, it is a rock-hard, unstoppable force. Interesting.

YEAH, RIGHT

Tyreese’s sissy-ass plan to take hostages so they can “all walk away” flies in the face of everything that has happened in the last two seasons to this group. Remember the Governor? Remember Gareth? You must totally destroy your enemy, Sun Tzu-style.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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