The Good Wife: Old Spice and Baby Lotion

The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)

Returning guest stars carry the show this week, and I couldn’t be happier. Elsbeth! Pastor Jeremiah! Joy Grubick! Uh oh …

Lots of great performances were turned in this week on The Good Wife! Unfortunately none of them are attributable to the main cast. I’m beginning to think that the main players in this show are just the vehicle by which we all get to watch the guest stars work their magic.1

Why Milk? Why Not.

Alicia has to tone down her atheism for the voters in time for an interview with Pastor Jeremiah. Guess who she calls: Grace, of course, who helps her study previous interviews with the pastor to prepare. During the interview, Alicia gives a number of non-answers, dulling the edges of her dogmatism. She’s “listening,” she’s “open.” She’s also “full of crap.” The worst part is, Grace’s prayer group thinks she opened her mom’s mind … and I think Grace might believe it too, just a little.

In other news: Marissa Gold is back! She’s Alicia’s body woman for the campaign, and Eli has sent her to spy. I hope she gets all the dirt.

In My Opinion

Alicia and Elsbeth have teamed up to defend JServe against charges of economic espionage. JServe sold code to a Chinese firm, who turned it over to the Chinese government, whose version of the CIA could use the code to decrypt stateside databases. The charge requires the prosecution to prove knowledge and intent; Alicia uses testimony from the civil trial to prove that their client, the “bitchy” CEO, was kept out of high-level negotiations with the Chinese firm. In addition, a CIA shell company sold similar code to China, so the prosecution is selective. Elsbeth gets Josh to drop the charges by secretly recording him while he destroys the evidence she brought as proof.2

Like Jacques Cousteau’s Son

Diane tries to evict Lockhart Gardner Canning; they counter with all of the (very expensive) OSHA renovations that need to be made to the offices. Kalinda finds all of the OSHA violations on Canning’s property, and he concedes the stalemate. But wait, there’s more — there’s an amendment on the lease that requires Diane to be present on the premises as a condition of the lease. She’s been gone for a month, rendering her legal hold on the lease invalid. Kalinda again has an idea: she and Diane convince Howard, the least effective lawyer ever, to serve as their in-person proxy. That’s enough to meet the terms of the lease, and Florrick Agos Lockhart now have proper office space.3

Baby Lotion and Old Spice

Elsbeth and Josh are totally hot for each other; he’s willing to admit it, but she’s still hesitant because he cheats at work. They spar in the courtroom; Elsbeth drops the bomb that she was married and divorced, and uses Josh’s attraction to distract him during questioning. She manages to distract herself as well, and then gets Call Me Maybe stuck in her head.4 Later that night, Josh shows up to Elsbeth’s office. They rip each other’s clothes off like horny teenagers, buttons flying everywhere, and have sex on top of her desk. Has there ever been a sex scene on TV as awkward and hilarious as this one?

When I Spot Check, I Don’t Call

Cary attends a Harvard alumni reception, where he gets drunk and brings a woman (who looks a little like Kalinda) home for some fun. They grab a ride home, only to find Joy Grubick! It’s a spot check, and it’s awkward as all hell. Joy asks to verify the Uber trip to confirm that neither Cary nor his date drove. Turns out the mixer Cary went to was in Indiana, and leaving the state is a violation of his bail. Time for a re-arrest! After a scintillating5 chat with Kalinda, Joy decides that Cary should receive some additional restrictions: ankle monitoring, a 9pm curfew, and no contact with Kalinda. I’m not happy about Kalinda being called “dangerous,” for a number of reasons, but I AM SO HAPPY that Cary has to stay away from her for a while.

Missing in Action:

We finally got to see Louis Canning, but lost Eli Gold and Peter Florrick in the process. Grace was back, Zach was not. Jackie and Robin are still nowhere to be found. Dean was also conspicuously absent.

… of the Week

Cameo: Joy Grubick, who repeatedly pronounces Mr. Bishop’s first name as “lemoned” and looks très embarrassed when she refers to Kalinda as one of Cary’s “social acquaintances.” I hope this character continues to occasionally drop in, Linda Lavin is just fabulous.

The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)

Cameo #2: Frankie Faison, better known to many as Commisioner Burrell from The Wire, but sporting a ridiculously long and diverse résumé6, as Pastor Jeremiah Easton. Talk about bringing in your heavy hitter, and for a basically throwaway role.7

The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)

Elsbeth Moment: Dancing along to “Call Me Maybe” just before the aforementioned sex scene commences.

The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)

Because I Felt Like It: You’re welcome.

The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
The Good Wife (Screen: CBS)
  1. #shotsfired  
  2. I literally stopped eating my dinner so I could slow-clap her out of the office.  
  3. Even if none of their keyboards have the letters F, A, or L on them.  
  4. Because Elsbeth.  
  5. More like incredibly hostile.  
  6. One Life to Live, Oz, All My Children, Silence of the Lambs, White Chicks, Do the Right Thing…  
  7. Okay, so, technically he is a returning guest star, but we haven’t seen him since 2010.  

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E-mail: ryan@whatelseison.tv