Improbable? Index: The Walking Dead Season 5 Episode 3 – Four Walls and a Roof

Abraham is in charge of the neighborhood watch on The Walking Dead.
The Walking Dead (Photo: Gene Page / AMC)

Yet another fantastic The Walking Dead episode instructs us all on the proper way to cook tainted meat. There is also a comfy sofa!

We can all agree that there are certain aspects of AMC’s The Walking Dead that seem a little, shall we say, far-fetched. The most improbable of these scenarios will be reviewed here each week.

“Too Long, Didn’t Watch” Episode Recap

The Terminus douchebags eating Bob start puking when he reveals he’s been bitten and is “tainted meat.” They knock him out and ditch him outside the church, where Sasha and the others try to make him comfortable before the inevitable happens. The cannibals come to the church and are killed brutally by Rick and company. Bob finally succumbs to Walker Fever and is double-tapped by Tyreese. The group splits up, half heading for Washington and half staying behind. Those staying behind find Daryl at the end of the episode. Is Carol still with him? Stay tuned next week.

Mildly Improbable

Only in the zombie apocalypse can you comfort a dying man by offering him a sofa to lay on. The level of gratitude Sasha expresses for this crappy old sofa is nothing short of astonishing.

Michonne and her sword, taken from a now-dead cannibal, are reunited at last. And it feels so good.

Rosita’s priority in this savage world: a properly-fitting pushup bra.

Pretty Improbable

Abraham thinks taking Eugene away in the middle of the night is a solid strategy for keeping him safe from the cannibals. Why not just make sure the mullet never leaves your sight? “No one craps alone!” is a wiser survival rule at this point.

Attempting to murder a baby in a church has to be a mortal sin, right? I don’t remember all my Catholic dogma, but I’m pretty sure it’s not just a venial sin. Either way, Father Gabriel’s shocked reaction to the slaughter of the cannibals in the church is unwarranted. “This is the Lord’s house!” Oh, shut up, God Boy.

Extremely Improbable

Father Gabriel said he buried his congregation that had been killed by walkers outside his church. Yet last episode he said he’d never killed a walker. Impossible. Everyone knows there are lots of those things you need to double-tap if they’ve only been mostly eaten and not totally eaten.

If Gareth thinks his “we used to help people” screed is going to sway Rick, he is insane. Gareth was dead where he stood the moment he trapped them in the first “A.”

YEAH, RIGHT

Gareth’s response to “you’re eating tainted meat!” is “we cooked it, it’s FINE!” Yep, Walker Fever is like salmonella, you just gotta get that internal temperature to 160. Dipshit.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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