Nashville Season 3 Episode 5: Road Happy — Juliette’s LOL moment of the week might be her LOL moment of the series.Tour time! While Juliette is complaining to assistant Emily about her pregnancy woes, she discovers backup singer Zoey skulking around her dressing room. Zoey is sworn to silence under threat of losing her job. Rayna and her new opening act Sadie are quickly becoming BFFs. Over on Luke’s tour, Will kisses up to the headliner while Deacon rolls his eyes. Meanwhile, Jeff the skeevy exec pressures Luke to write another hit song, stat. Gunnar tells Zoey via Skype that he wants to casually hang with his ex Kylie and Zoey doesn’t freak out about that, for a change. Jeff hands Will a non-disclosure agreement, to be signed by the closeted cowboy’s “personal trainer.” Juliette reveals her pregnancy to Avery in a big way, then ignores him when he feels like talking. Scarlett is working on a new song at her publisher’s office, but can’t concentrate because there’s a kooky homeless guy singing about pizza outside her window.1
After Daphne guilt-trips Rayna for being away so long, Supermom gets fiancee Luke to pick up the kids in his private jet and bring them to a commercial shoot in Idaho(?). Jeff tries getting on mayor Teddy’s good side by saying, “You’re dull and depressing, let’s go score with hot chicks” (essentially). Gunnar visits Kylie at her diner job and accidentally meets the nine year old son she never mentioned. She later tells him in an unconvincing manner, “He’s not yours!” Juliette frets about her sex scene in the Patsy Cline biopic, because someone may notice her baby bump. Miserable beard wife Layla flirts with her producer while recording her crappy album, which gets on Jeff’s last nerve. Will’s “trainer” does not react well to the non-disclosure agreement and kicks that cowboy to the curb. When Will goes searchin’ for a rebound hookup in a Chicago park, he gets beaten and mugged instead. At this point, even self-absorbed Deacon starts to figure out Will’s secret. Oh, great, We’ve got ANOTHER hetero savior on board (at least this one’s smarter than Gunnar).
That lameness not withstanding, here are five awesome things that happened on last night’s Nashville:
Juliette’s LOL moment of the week Juliette’s tired. She’s on tour, filming her first movie, fielding sexual advances from handsome costar Noah West, hiding a pregnancy. Oh, and let’s not forget she’s PREGNANT, too. Still, Emily won’t stop bugging her to tell Avery he’s gonna be a daddy, because it’s the right thing to do. So – surprise! – Juliette responds impulsively, with the pithy text message pictured above. You know what makes that text even better? Avery reads it while doing highway litter clean-up for drunkards!
Daphne finally gets hers First she’s demanding chocolate milk from the help on Luke’s airplane, then she’s telling Rayna and Luke to rewrite their commercial shoot so she can be in it. Rayna sweetly explains that flipping the script on the entire production team is a dick move. Daphne’s response? “You suck!” Obviously, she’s acting out because she misses her busy mom. And while I’d normally hate a kid for being that obnoxious, this generally buoyant little lady has earned a lot of credit. Why should Maddie have the monopoly on bad behavior?
Thank you for being a Glen Avery calls and texts the hell out of Juliette’s phone but, ya’ know, she’s busy. So then he shows up at her film set trailer. And when she refuses that visit, he starts hollering about her pregnancy. That’s when Glen intervenes, saying, 1) yes, she’s pregnant, 2) yes, you are the dad, 3) please STFU on set, and 4) what the hell happened to your baby face, son? Yes, Avery’s become quite the sad, dirty lush. Glen says, “Juliette was raised in chaos. There’s no way I’m gonna let the same thing happen to her child.” It’s official, y’all. Glen is my new favorite!
Rayna freaks out over absolutely nothing In case you’re worried that the Queen of Country Music is just a little too perfect, check this out – when the girls come home from their whirlwind Idaho adventure, they tell Teddy how it was the most fun ever (liars). Emboldened by his recent bro times with Jeff, Teddy’s all, “Hey, I can be fun, too!” Next thing you know, the girls are Skyping with mom, showing off their newly pierced ears and highlighted hair. WTG, Dad! Rayna’s response? She calls her ex-husband, sobbing and trembling, cursing him for leaving her out of these priceless moments. Geez, Rayna. If it means that much to you, fly your helicopter down to Chattanooga and take me to the mall – I’m still a virgin to these “sacred” rituals.
Zoey finally gets hers Like I said, Juliette is tired – so much that she nearly collapses on stage in the middle of a performance. As Noah rushes to her side 2 and the audience is starting to wonder, “What the..?”, Zoey takes center stage and picks up right where Jules left off! And in case you forgot (because she’s always being upstaged by everyone else all the time), Zoey has an AMAZING voice. My hope is that Jules will look upon this scene-stealing moment benevolently, choose to not fire her, and Zoey will become country music’s Next Big Thing – a fine consolation for being Gunnar’s Next Disgruntled Ex.