Love Prison: Evelyn and Mickey

Love Prison (Screen: A&E)
Love Prison (Screen: A&E)

Love Prison has a middle-aged rocker couple who loves getting busy. Drink every time you read “eww” in this recap.

The Prisoners

Evelyn, 41, Oklahoma. She looks like an aging Kat Von D and has had a revolving door of husbands and careers. Mickey, 42, California. He is a rocker (bass player) and looks like one. He has likely been ridden hard and put away wet a few times. They have been dating online for a year. Mickey says his band is his top priority, which is tragic because he doesn’t even make his living playing music (he works in HR). Mickey and Evelyn have been sexting each other. Eww. He sends her money, too, which is horrifying.

Day One

Evelyn and Mickey meet and they immediately find each other’s flaws (he is chubby, she is not “rocker” enough). They are kind enough to save these opinions for their private interviews. He immediately grabs a beer and explores the Love Prison, and like every other man he was psyched to find condoms. They sit in the living room awkwardly and Mickey basically asks her to have sex with him. Thankfully (for Mickey, not the viewers), Evelyn is totally down for it. After an awkward date, she puts on lingerie he got for her (eww.) and they get down to it. There is entirely too much video of it.

Day Two

The next day Evelyn is “very sore.” Eww. Mickey makes her cook him breakfast which is a total turnoff for her. Great, now they are bickering. They decide their physical attraction is enough to overcome this pesky problem. This is probably why they are both single.

Day Three

The Instigating TV comes on (Evelyn: “There’s a TV?” What a moron. Did she not see that?) and plays terrible music by Mickey’s band that I will not name so as not to give them any attention. Mickey sings along with the TV like a dipshit. The Instigating TV continues by showing Mickey saying he thinks Evelyn will love his band, then Evelyn interviews (correctly) that his band sucks. He is very offended and says he will “prove [her] wrong.” This is a matter of opinion, Mickey. Nobody is wrong or right. Although in this case, Evelyn is right.

Day Four

A bass guitar arrives at the door and Mickey whines about how he feels self-conscious playing in front of her now. Ugh. I have brothers who have been in heavy metal cover bands and trust me, there is nothing more boring than watching some schmuck sitting around playing a bass guitar all by himself. We “get” to watch them have sex again that night.

Day Five

They sit on the porch and drink beer during yard time. That’s all that happens.

Day Six

Mickey says he refuses to relocate and give up his (shitty) music “career” and uses Yoko Ono as a verb. He flat-out tells Evelyn she will not be a high priority for him, and also says she is very special to him and he wants to be with her. This guy is such a loser. He uses his one phone call to talk to his brother and get advice about what is best for Mickey in the end. How about making decisions that are based on something besides your shitty band?

Day Seven

Mickey decides he can make Evelyn a priority after all, and they decide to leave Love Prison together. Thank god they didn’t have all that sex for nothing.

Where Are They Now?

Who knows? The episode provided no update. Hopefully they are disease-free.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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  • LAURA

    Hilarious recap and completely on point!!