Love Prison: Tiffany-Nicole and Kenneth

Tiffany-Nicole draws Kenneth like one of her French girls on Love Prison.
Love Prison (Screen: A&E)

Love Prison has been fairly insane. Will Tiffany-Nicole and Kenneth be at least a little bit normal?

The Prisoners

Tiffany-Nicole, 28, New York/LA. She is a model who splits her time on the coasts. I am calling her Tiffany because otherwise I will go insane. Kenneth, 27, Columbus, OH. He has a bunch of odd jobs. They have been dating for 9 months online and are extremely into each other. This might crash and burn spectacularly. They want to see if it would be worth pursuing a relationship so Kenneth can move to one of her cities.

Day One

They meet and are super happy to see each other. So far so good! As soon as Tiffany sets foot in the house, though, she becomes very cold. It is strange. She says there is no way in hell they are sharing a bed. Meanwhile she is in the interview room saying that she likes him a lot. Huh. Later that day a delivery arrives at the door, and it’s art supplies. Kenneth is psyched because he loves to paint and wants to show off. They decide to draw each other, and when Kenneth walks in shirtless she acts like Jack Dawson from Titanic or some shit. Later they go upstairs and she gets into the bottom bunk (where he’s supposed to sleep). They make out hardcore and she feels like it’s moving too fast and goes back to the top bunk. Riveting.

Day Two

The Instigating TV rouses them in the morning, showing Kenneth expressing jealousy about guys in Tiffany’s modeling/acting jobs and Tiffany revealing that she has done some love scenes before. Who cares? Kenneth, apparently. The Instigating TV plays the short movie where she and a dude were all over each other, and Kenneth gets very upset. Seriously, who cares? This guy seems more than a little controlling. They talk it through and he demands that she be “more honest” with him in the future. Whatever.

Day Three

Another delivery! This time it is football equipment. How come all the deliveries are only stuff that Kenneth enjoys? They play flag football in the yard and it is horrible because football is not a one-on-one game.

Day Four

Kenneth makes them dinner and Tiffany gets all gussied up for it. It takes her forever and Kenneth gets annoyed, because he has “never dated a high-maintenance woman before.” It’s not like she was late for dinner, or anything. He was still cooking. So yeah, he picks a fight with her during their romantic dinner, then gets up and leaves the room. Ten seconds later he’s acting like nothing happened and Tiffany is baffled and pissed. Kenneth talks his way back onto her good side. They both need to work on the underlying issues that cause them to dish out and/or tolerate this behavior.

Day Five

Cabin fever is setting in. They play hide and seek and Kenneth hides under the couch. For some reason Tiffany checks under the couch cushions (?) but doesn’t check under the couch until way later. Of course, she is impressed by his “hide and seek skills.” Tiffany is way too easily impressed.

Day Six

It’s the last night in Love Prison, so of course Tiffany puts on a slutty asymmetrical skirt and a bandeau top (also slutty). This outfit is clearly designed to get whatever she wants. Sure enough, they lounge on the couch and Tiffany tries to talk Kenneth into moving to NYC or LA. He is uncertain about making that commitment after one week, understandably. Tiffany does not understand, however. Oy vey.

Day Seven

They eat an awkward breakfast together and rehash yesterday’s argument. She wants him to decide within a couple months. He wants to be more stable before moving. Which is kind of odd, because he wants to start a stable career in Ohio and THEN move to NYC or LA? Mercifully, they head down to the dock to decide what the hell to do now. Kenneth wants to leave the island together, but is still hemming and hawing about a timeline for moving. Tiffany decides to ignore his ambivalence and leave the island with him. Good luck to you kids.

Where Are They Now?

Three months later, they have gotten more serious and Tiffany has been less insistent on Kenneth moving immediately. Wow, this actually sounds reasonable. It’s a Love Prison first!

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles
After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting "Whodunnit?" One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv
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