An Unfortunate Episode – The Dukes of Hazzard pilot

Meanwhile, Daisy tucks a sex doll in her jail cell bed. Alrighty. She asks a guard to take her to the loo. When they get there, the guard falls for Daisy’s “Come help me with this broken light” stunt, and winds up unconscious beside the toilet. Meanwhile, Enos brings dinner to Daisy’s cell, finds the sex doll, puts it all together, then tells Rosco Daisy’s escaped. While the two of them are chasing Uncle Jesse (dressed in a super convincing Daisy costume), Luke meets up with actual Daisy (dressed as the guard) and they make their daring escape. Bo picks up Daisy and Luke before speeding off in the General Lee. Turns out the sex doll was unnecessary, but hey, at least they got it on TV. Geh-geh-geh!

The Duke boys catch up with Enos and rag on him for being “on the wrong side”. Enos feels bad working for skeevy Rosco but says the Dukes are just as immoral for profiting off of stolen slots. Bo responds,”Your daddy ran moonshine, and so did ours. Did you ever know us to mess around with gambling?” For real, this moralism makes no sense to me. Then the Dukes claim they stole the slots for the Sheriff’s sake. More stage whispers = kooky plan afoot!

AGAIN, Boss Hogg is pissed at Rosco for his lack of follow-through. The sheriff vows to arrest the Duke Boys. Deputy Enos told him they’re bringing in more slots and he’s gonna catch them red-handed.

Later, Rosco and Enos watch the Duke boys move a slot machine, leading to our fourth and final car chase – more property damage, more almost-manslaughtered construction workers, more airborne vehicles. Finally, the chase ends at the orphanage. Surprise, it’s a party! A big banner reads “Welcome Sheriff Rosco”. A throng of unreasonably happy foster kids swarm the sheriff as Jill thanks him for his generous donation to her shady non-profit. The Duke boys tell confused Rosco that he shouldn’t shy away from taking credit for the slot machine donation scheme, and suddenly all problems have been fixed. The balladeer announces that Rosco got reelected, gambling is now respectable in Hazzard County, and every asshole (besides Boss Hogg) wins. Great job, show! Now let’s rinse and repeat, every episode for the next seven seasons… and never watch it again.

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles
Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv
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