An Unfortunate Episode – The Dukes of Hazzard pilot

When Rosco learns the Dukes were behind the slot machine heist, he takes the fertilizer truck guys to ID Daisy as she happens to be draped out the side of her car with her ass sticking up in the air. The dudes are all, “That’s her! (Drool)”. Rosco pulls up to her car and says she’s under arrest. She asks “Why?” in her crazy-ass voice and tosses her purse to the ground. While Rosco chivalrously reaches down to pick it up, she kicks him in the pants and steals his car. Judging from the realism of this scene, I’m guessing a Men’s Rights activist wrote it. Rosco commandeers a random truck and chase #3 ensues. A bunch of people almost get killed, Rosco crashes into Daisy, but everybody comes out just fine. Then Daisy gets arrested.

Cut to Jesse scolding the boys AGAIN because now Daisy’s locked up. After all, she holds the sacred Duke ova. Also, isn’t she the only one with a job? He orders them to bust her outta jail.

At the jail, we meet kindly deputy Enos Strate. He’s a virgin and in love with Daisy, so you know he’s an easy mark. Luke stops by to visit his cousin, tells her the prison food is making her fat (which means he’s more turned on than usual?), distracts Enos with a meaningless task, then stage whispers with Daisy about The Secret Plan to Set Her Free.

Meanwhile, Rosco shows Boss Hog where the slot machines are. Rosco says he’s gonna nab the Duke boys soon and Boss shouldn’t worry. That’s when Boss starts to worry! (rim shot)

Cut to Bo and Jill on a picnic date. He’s showing her how to bow hunt. Since the terms of their probation prevent him and Luke from owning guns, this is how they catch game when food is scarce. Bo says, “Now Jesse, he don’t take no kind of government assistance, he’d rather starve.” Hmm, interesting how y’all cherry-pick Uncle Jesse’s values to suit your mood. Jill tells him she’s leaving town soon, which is sad but also appropriate; we can’t expect a guy with such great hair to be monogamous for seven whole seasons. Then they have so-long relations.

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles
Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv
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