RuPaul’s Drag Race is a real scream! Because it’s a horror-movie challenge, you see.
Now that we’ve plowed through Ru’s two big openings, it’s time to see what has come out! Hopefully it won’t make Joslyn puke. Which reminds me, gang, if you do not watch “Untucked,” you really, really should. “What if it’s a vagina?! GASP!” needs to be on a t-shirt immediately.
The girls enter the Werkroom and awkwardly greet the original group, who are waiting for them. The reads begin immediately as Trinity says Miss Crème looks like “the Hamburglar’s wife” in her striped outfit. Make a note of this, as it is the only time Trinity will be remotely amusing this episode. Bianca Del Rio once again wins my eternal love by slaying Gia Gunn, or “Kimora Lee Kardashian,” right off the jump. This bitch is a lock for top 5 at this rate. Meanwhile, Gia is unimpressed. She hates all styles of drag except hers, apparently.
The next day, Ru arrives for the mini-challenge, which involves lip-syncing and dancing with one queen on top as the arms/face and one queen below as the legs. I have no idea what’s going on until I actually see it, and the result is quite amusing. Courtney Act has to choke back vomit and she says she is a top…only for this challenge. Honestly, the only queen I remember admitting to being a top is Phi Phi. Biggest impressions: Milk’s giant bulge (shades of Jade with this one!); Miss Crème with Darienne’s legs; and April Carrion’s slutty Little Mermaid look with pasties. Although Courtney and Laganja were also great, the winners are Milk and Adore. I think Adore’s boobs (…forqueens.com) and Milk’s junk helped them stand out.
The main challenge will be screen tests for the horror franchise Drag Race Me To Hell. Adore and Milk are the team captains and pick the same groups they premiered with, to nobody’s surprise. The cliques have formed, hunty, get into it. Adore’s group gets the 1980s script, which she is very excited about and articulates like a Jakovasaur on that one South Park episode from a million years ago. In effect, she appears to be suffering from voice immodulation, which is the inability to control the PITCH OR VOLUME OF MY VOICE. It’s an odd trait for a singer to have, but I kind of love Adore so I won’t judge. As a team captain, though, she is pretty slapdash and doesn’t seem to care about casting for type. Vivacious should have been the butch real estate agent, and April should have done Gia’s role, and Gia should be stuck in the damn box. Although I must admit, I couldn’t help but laugh my ass off when Gia thought a Delorean was “an ancient dildo.” God, forgive me.
Team Milk will be performing the 1960s script, and casting is going more smoothly. Darienne agrees to “do something with” the head in a box role that nobody else wants. Trinity immediately tries to deflect responsibility for her lack of acting talent, which seems unsportsmanlike. Just try your best and don’t make excuses before you even begin, lady. Trinity’s line read is horrible and the others give her notes, as she requested, and she takes offense that they think she should read it “more black.” Um, no. They said you should be more “get real” with it, which is entirely valid and true. You can’t deliver a line about your friend needing to pop her cherry without a “telling it like it T-I-is” vibe. For a girl who wore white-face to the last runway, Trinity sure is playing a knee-jerk “that’s racist!” card here.