Irresponsible! Index: The Biggest Loser Season 15 Episode 14

The Biggest Loser (Photo: NBC)
The Biggest Loser (Photo: NBC)

The Biggest Loser has its first-ever triathlon! Or fourth-ever…the internet keeps better track of these things than the show’s staff.

Previous triathlons on The Biggest Loser: Season 3, Week 11; Season 4, Week 10; Season 5, Week 14. So yeah, not the “first ever,” show. Did you think nobody would notice? I only spent a few minutes on Wikipedia to get that information.

Although I have been a personal trainer for almost 6 years, I am not a triathlon expert. My husband Eric, however, is, and wins at least an age-group award in almost every race he does at almost every distance. Therefore, I bow to his expertise on the matter, and will start this week’s column with a quick triathlon recap.

Rachel swimming 1/2 mile in under 10 minutes prompted Eric to say “WOW!” Yep, she is fast. Plus she had a 15-minute lead by the end of the bike, in a “blink and you’ll miss it” clock display. 1:32 was her winning finish time, and I am officially impressed. She wins a finale spot and a new car!

David gets off to a good start, but remains behind Rachel for the entire race. He finishes in an extremely respectable time of 1:57.

Chelsea looks adorable in her pink outfit and finishes in 2:11, which is certainly better than I could do.

Jen, who they haven’t shown at all during the race, actually finishes with good posture in 2:17.

Bobby overcomes his panic in the water to finish triumphantly (although last place) in 2:38! Go Bobby!

Eric swears that open water swimming is difficult compared to a pool. There are fish and eels and sharks and Christ only knows what else lurking in the briny deep. Many people panic, as Bobby did. I am proud of all the contestants for 1) not being eaten by whales (or their freshwater equivalents), and 2) finishing the damn thing, because that is its own reward! That being said, you should have practiced your transitions, because y’all took forever to put those damn bike helmets on.

Mildly Irresponsible

Those Pearl Izumi triathlon singlets are not doing anyone any favors.

America did not need to know about Marie’s ovulation schedule.

Moderately Irresponsible

(I am writing this particular item before watching the episode, so it may be prescient.) A typical American sprint triathlon has a 500 or 750 meter (less than 1/3 mile or a bit under 1/2 mile) swim, 20-25 kilometer (12.4-15.5 mile) bike, and 5 kilometer (3.1 mile) run. According to the episode description, the Biggest Loser Triathlon has a half mile swim, 12 mile bike, and 3 mile run. This gives a significant advantage to the best swimmer in the group. Gee, I wonder who that is. Cough, Rachel, cough. Not that I mind, because I love her, but it is pretty irresponsible to be that blatantly biased.

Severely Irresponsible

This is crunch time, and the trainers are wasting their time sitting on a couch with the contestants watching a reel of how far they’ve all come in this journey. At least let them watch this while doing jumping jacks or something. We’ve got water weight to lose! Also, I have to mention how Bob and Jillian have seemingly teamed up to form a clique without Dolvett. I’m sure it means nothing, but because I love scandal I’m gonna just say we don’t know it’s not racially motivated.

Criminally Irresponsible

Poor Bobby panicked in the swim, which is a very typical response when you aren’t used to open water swimming (as mentioned earlier). The trainers should have emphasized specifically practicing in the lake. People can drown!

Weigh-in Results

ContestantStartFINALPercentageTOTAL LOST
TOTAL4868293939.631929
Rachel26010559.62155
David40918754.28222
Bobby35817052.51188
Tumi31914454.86175
Marie24913844.58111
Craig38522342.08162
Chelsea24114639.4295
Jennifer26616239.10104
Jay29718338.38114
Matt35622337.36133
Fernanda25016334.8087
Tanya26217533.2187
Holley35125527.3596
Ruben46234325.76119
Hap40332220.1081

Rachel is already in the finale, so she is thrilled with a 1-pound loss. A double elimination with a red line, though, means everyone else must worry. Bobby destroys the scale with a massive loss and earns a finale spot the hard way! The third and final spot goes to David, who also crushed it! Ah, my dream final 3. Chelsea and Jen will compete for the at-home prize, which is fortunate because I don’t think either of them could have won the quarter million.

Next week brings the live finale, which starts an hour later and is two hours long. Sheesh, now we have to stay up later just for this crap.

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About Clare Snyder 144 Articles

After writing for a few publications in college, Clare took an extended break to become a certified personal trainer, get huge blisters during marathons, and find a suitable triathlete/engineer to marry. In her spare time she partakes in many nerd hobbies including replaying Final Fantasy hundreds of times, cheering for the Green Bay Packers, and live-tweeting “Whodunnit?” One time Clare was given 43 hot sauce packets in a Taco Bell driveway. There is a strategy to it. E-mail: clare@whatelseison.tv

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