Here we go kids, The Bachelor is back and the only thing better than Juan Pablo’s accent is the motley crew of women walking out of limos to meet him.
ABC’s The Bachelor is back with an all new season starring Bachelorette favorite Juan Pablo Galavis. Say what you want about this choice of Bachelor, but presuming you’ve been chosen as one of 27 women vying for his heart, or whatever there are definitely rules you should follow closely to be of the lucky group offered a rose each week, or at least win over America. Tonight, first impressions.
Do: Live in California. Literally 10 of the women in the intro packages are from the “Golden State.” Maybe the producers wanted to save on travel costs to splurge on closed captioning.
Don’t: Give him a gift he has to hold throughout the show, Christine in the green dress. Wait, where’d it – oh he already gave it to a producer to hold.
Do: Wear shoes. Professional ‘Free Spirit’ Lucy arrives sans shoes and with flowers in her hair and literally spends a second with Juan Pablo before rushing off. It’s awkward.
Don’t: Push your piano all the way up to the front of the house, audibly stumble through your own composition and forget to give the Bachelor your name, Lauren.
Do: Cry over your lack of one-on-one time, both in a room full of the other hopeful women and also in your interviews and then when you finally have your one-on-one time with The Bachelor. Make sure not to leave out how heartbroken you were when your former fiancé broke up with you. This may not be the key to a man’s heart, but it’s amazing tv.
Don’t: Have a name that’s difficult to remember. Apparently Juan Pablo is not great with names as he demonstrates by forgetting name after name and Atlanta Asst. District Attorney Andi’s name a solid four times.
Do: (try to) LIKE HIM. Apparently the build up has been too long for Sharleen the Opera Singer in Germany and while Juan Pablo is ready to give her the “First Impression Rose” to which her response is “sure” because “it’s a little early for her.” It’s a little early for me to pick favorites too, sure.