An Unfortunate Episode – Small Wonder Season 2 Episode 5: Home Sweet Homeless

Joan says, “My job is to make the public more aware of their situation.” Shouldn’t that be the Committee to Tell the Public to Aid the Homeless? Anywho, Ted comes up with a plan – enlist the help of local TV roving reporter Steve Morales. Get him to do a story about the homeless. Joan is geeked. Ted offers to drop her off at the TV station before he meets up with his golf buddies.

Vicki interjects, “JUST A BUNCH OF BUMS AND WINOS,” presumably as a comment on Ted’s pals. That’s her schtick, repeating whatever dumb thing somebody just said. A robot slave girl oughta get her digs in somehow.

Joan asks Jamie to pick up a few grocery items while they run their errands. He eyes the three foot long shopping list and says he needs to bring Vicki or else he’ll wind up with a hernia. Cut to the next scene, in which Vicki is carrying three full bags while Jamie totes a sack of cheese doodles. Jerk. The two pass an alley that looks like the set of an elementary school play, cardboard backdrops and all. They spot a dude leaning against a wall, sleeping.

Vicki notes, “MOM SAID IT IS OUR DUTY TO HELP THE HOMELESS.”

Jamie is more concerned about ambiance. “This place is sure a mess. It oughta be cleaned up.” Then his robot slave sister takes a deep breath, blowing a gust of wind that pushes all the garbage from one corner to another. Big help.

Jamie pokes at the sleeping man, who awakes startled and says, “I didn’t do it officer, I was in Cleveland that week.” He speaks with the accent of a failed Shakespearean actor and wears a grubby jacket over an otherwise swank three piece suit. You know, your typical bum. He introduces himself as Roland Cardwell, of the Boston Cardwells.

Jamie asks if this is where he lives. Roland plays it up like it isn’t so bad. “Solar heating, air conditioning, no overhead and you can’t beat the location.” Then he sees what Vicki is holding. “I see you have groceries young lady.”

“ENOUGH TO GIVE YOU A HERNIA.” Haha. Yeah, Jamie sucks.

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Tara Rose
About Tara Rose 106 Articles
Since 2009, Tara has been writing snarky essays about pop culture, motherhood and her various neuroses at Rare Oats. She spends most of her other time selling cheese, raising a small human and goofing off with her husband Dan. E-mail: tara@whatelseison.tv
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